Our Secret (Austin Mahone Fanfiction)

Part 23

- Madison's point of view -

I honestly didn't know how to feel. I didn't know what that was supposed to refer to neither did I know if it was a bad or a good thing.

I want things to go back to the way they were.

What changed? Actually, a lot changed. I can't even begin to describe how I feel or even explain what went wrong because it just kind of happened and now, both of us are standing on the sidewalk in the middle of the night basically pouring our hearts out.

"But we can't go back." I said.

Austin looked down on me, exasperation buried within his eyes "Where did it all go wrong?"

"When this happened-" And before he could say anything, I pressed my lips onto his making butterflies erupt in my stomach. I needed to feel him so badly though, I wanted his affection and his soft touch all over me. Nothing could possibly compare and it had already been a week since I had even come close to doing this. I missed it.

I got so lost into my thoughts that I hadn't even realized that I was being dragged to his house, our lips never parting for one second. If I didn't know better, I'd say that he missed it as much as I did if not more just by the way his hands were holding onto my waist and how his lips were pressed against mine with such a great amount of force. It was ecstasy all over again.

In one swift movement, his hands took hold of the back of my thighs and lifted me up as to my legs naturally wrapped around his torso. He began moving up the stairs until he reached his bedroom door, kicking it open with his foot right before shutting it back close using the same process.

I felt my heart beat out of my chest as the familiar feeling I was so used to was coming back. But for some reason, I was anxious and worried. I wanted to be good.

He backed me up against the wall, his hands now holding me up by my butt while my arms still wrapped around his neck. I felt his tongue sweep across my bottom lip and without even thinking twice about it, I opened my mouth. The hotness and the moisture I was receiving was making me feel numb and if my stomach wasn't erupting before, then it sure was right now; it was like these painful, yet not at all, knots were tighten the more it proceeded and I was literally thanking god that he was holding me up because I knew that if I was to stand on my own, I would've fallen a long time ago.

"Mmmh" Austin groaned as my tongue swept across his in this very slow motion. It didn't take long before my fingers found their way to his head, taking off his snapback in the process before running them through his soft, brown hair.

I missed this so much.

Pulling back, I nibbled on his bottom lip for a second or two as yet another throaty moan escaped his mouth. Hearing him was something that drove me wild because I knew he liked it, it gave me motivation to continue not to mention that it turned me on to an extent that I couldn't even begin to describe.

My legs suddenly hit the floor and next thing I know, his hands were going up my shirt feeling the hot blazing skin hidden beneath it. Taking that as my opportunity, I brought my face in the crock of his neck and started kissing there, gazing my tongue against his skin; against his sweet spot.

"Madison," His fingers dug into my sides. Ignoring him completely, I moved over until I was right below his ear sucking there lightly making sure not to drive him nuts-yet.

My head moved back in front for his, our eyes connecting for the first time since we got back in but this time, they were filled with lust and need. He didn't seem sad anymore but I knew that it was just because his emotions were covered up by fervor.

His gaze suddenly got very intense and ever slowly, he lifted my tank top off until it went all the way over my head throwing it onto the floor. I felt a chill run through me as I was now exposed to the cold air but it didn't take long as to Austin's hands started roaming all the way around my torso, resting them onto the small of my back just pulling me into him; my back arched into his chest.

I bit down on my lips, flickering my eyelashes up at him not understanding how I ever let something like this go.

Austin then tilted his head to the right as he carefully leaned in giving me a blissful kiss. I closed my eyes loving the feel that his plump ones gave me because every time without fail, they would make me forget.

Parting from me before slowly trailing them across my cheek, he brought them all the way to my ear. I could feel his warm hands go up my back stopping right at my bra strap then going back down again. He repeated this process a few times as I waited for what he was going to do next.

"I wanna feel you."

"Then feel me." I whispered back.

Both of his hands placed themselves on my shoulders and soon enough, my back was flat against the wall and his tall figure was towering over my small frame. He took a few steps back just looking at me while licking his lips repetitively in this somewhat seducing matter.

"You know what would be even better?" He asked taking the hem of his shirt into the palm of his hands "If I could feel you on me." And in one swift moment he took it off just allowing me to see the perfection hidden beneath it. I shifted my eyes to the side not wanting to look at him because I knew that I couldn't possibly control myself even if I tried; I could already feel my knees become week and that was already enough to make me fall.

Austin then took a few steps forward as to his breath was now dancing across my face "You don't have to look away." He stated caressing both of my cheeks. I felt my face grow warm and that's when I knew that I was uncontrollably blushing. "What's happening?" He teased "Am I embarrassing you?"

"No" I huffed out but I was pretty sure that my cheeks said otherwise because yet again, I felt this wave of heat hit me just like it did a few seconds prior.

"You know, you've never blushed around me before," I took a second and thought back to all the times we've been together "It's just lately that you've been doing it... it's cute."

"I'm not embarrassed, Austin." I interjected in a rather affirmative tone.

"Then what are you?" I shook my head "It's no big deal anyways; it makes you hotter than what you already are." Austin then leaned down and captured my bottom lip in between both of his. The heat was growing the more it went on and soon enough, I was pulling back.

"Give me a minute." I demanded while making my way to the opposite side of the bedroom, where the window was.

I couldn't understand what was going on though. It's like all of a sudden something took over and I couldn't make it go away, I just needed to take a few breaths to get it out of my system.

My hands were on either side of my hips as I looked out into the dull night scenery. It was actually calming and I wondered how I managed to get myself back into this house after everything that happened. We were acting like nothing ever went down but I knew that both of us still had that tugging feelings at our insides; we were just good at hiding it. I didn't want to remember, I was trying to put it aside so badly but it kept coming back and it simply didn't feel the same I mean who wouldn't? We've been away for a week how can you just expect us to go back to the way things were? We can pretend as much as we want but inside, there's still that annoying feeling that haunts you nonstop and mine just happens to be bothering me at this moment.

"Madison," His voice beamed from behind and before I knew it, he wrapped his arms around my bare stomach, his head resting on my left shoulder.

I closed my eyes loving the feeling but it still didn't feel right. I'd never know if it would go back to the way it was before and I knew that right now, that's what both of us were trying to do.

But it wasn't working.

You can't force two things together and try to make them work, it doesn't work that way. And it's then when I realized that we could never go back. We had to somehow move on because this fuck friend thing was no longer working, no longer doing the job it initially was.

Ever since that night of the party, something had changed and I knew exactly what that was, I just didn't want to say it. I didn't want history to repeat itself and that's why I was staying put with this. If I was to move any further, I would probably dig myself into this giant hole that I couldn't possibly get myself out even if I tried.

I didn't know what to do.

"I'm sorry." I suddenly heard Austin whisper into my ear. I was confused at first but it slowly sunk in as to why he said that.

"It's okay." I replied, my voice barely auditable.

"No it's not. I'm so stupid Madison, I'm so- so stupid." He let go of me while walking back to where our clothes had be thrown and in one swift movement, he pulled his shirt over the top of his head while grabbing mine and giving it back to me. I touched the cool fabric and slid it over my head covering my whole upper half up.

I looked up at him and all I could see was desperation; I knew he couldn't handle this and something was more than bothering him that he wasn't telling me.

"I don't even know why I tried because it was obvious that it wouldn't work out. Nothing's the same anymore."

"Austin," I took a few steps closer "Don't beat yourself up over this, it's no big deal."

"No big deal? Madison, I tried having sex with you don't tell me it's no big deal like who the hell does that? I don't even know why I tried in the first place because I knew it wouldn't work out anyway."

"Yeah well you know what? I tried to so you're not the only stupid one in this okay? I feel as bad as you do because I just realized that we lost what we had, everything we had build and now I can't get it out of my head even if my life depended on it. It's done."

Austin's face flushed of all colour and he suddenly became white "I can't lose you, I can't." He shook his head "I need you in my life."

"Then it's either we work this out or we lose everything because I seriously can't take this anymore. I can't even sleep because of you, do you realize that? You're taking over all of my head!"

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that we should be friends, and only friends."

Austin scoffed while rubbing his hand up and down his face "I can't be friends with you." And then I'm the one who was scoffing, tears engulfing my eyes. I just didn't know what to do anymore, it felt like there was no solution to this.

I stood there, tears escaping my eye shafts as to both of my arms were crossed over my stomach in discomfort "And why is that?" I sheepishly asked.

"Because there's more to it than just friends and even you know that." More tears poured down my cheeks as reality hit me harder than ever before. "I just couldn't manage. I've already said it before but the feelings won't go away over night, they stay and become stronger every single day and you think that you're hurting? Then I must be dying."

"What feelings, Austin!" I shouted making my voice echo throughout the whole room "You keep telling me about these so called feelings you have but why don't you say them to me once and for all huh? Tell me what the hell is on your mind so that I can move on with my life because I can't take this bullshit anymore!"

"You really wanna know?" He asked making his way right to me, cupping both of my cheeks.

"Yes" I cried feeling my heart sink at the bottom of my stomach.

He looked at me in the eyes going from left to right and then as fast as he came, he said it "I love you."

I froze. I stopped breathing and tears just ran down my face even more so.

He loves me; he just said that he loves me, I kept thinking. Why would he love me? There's nothing to love. We said no feelings.

"I love you so much, Madison." He wrapped his arms around me engulfing me in his scent "It's killing me to let you go, I don't want to let go."

I gradually started soaking his shirt for the second time tonight. I honestly didn't know what to think or what to say. I was in choc.

"I really want to work this out just- just please give me a chance." He begged. "Please don't cry, you know I hate seeing you cry." But the thing was, I couldn't stop myself. I was so lost.

He rubbed my back in this circle pattern trying to comfort me the best he possibly could "I want to be your everything, I want to be the one you need."

He was the one I needed, he was my everything and there wasn't one ounce of my body that could deny it. I had to let him know.

I pulled away just to take a look at his face that expressed nothing less than worry and without wasting a second, I brought my lips to his making them mash together as one. My right hand placed itself on the side of his face making me deepened the kiss ever more so and before I knew it, I felt everything go away.

This is what I want, I thought to myself.

Pulling back, I bit the inside of my cheeks in a nervous matter "Can we just go to sleep?" I mumbled out. I was then picked up off the ground and brought over to the bed where I was lightly rested onto the mattress, Austin scattered right by my side holding onto my side not letting go the slightest bit.

"I love you" Was the last thing I remember hearing before drifting off to sleep.