Our Secret (Austin Mahone Fanfiction)

Part 29

- Madison's point of view -

I woke up crying. My whole entire body hurts and I can barely keep my eyes open because the burning sensation is too much to handle. I'm a complete mess. I'm trash.

I don't want to go to school because I can't face him again, not after what happened.

I was his first, my mind kept repeating itself.

I was beyond disgust and I felt like a slut, which I probably am I mean I did accept to have a fuck buddy so-

My pillow was completely soaked as I looked into the trash can seeing the condom wrapper.

I just threw away my whole entire life.

Not only did I do something of which I wasn't proud of but I did it for all the wrong reasons not to mention that I surely gave him the wrong impression. He probably thinks that I like him back.

I never thought in a million years that this would've happened, we were best friends.

But the worst part in all of this was figuring out how I was supposed to tell Austin, if I would even ever talk to him again. Everything just happened so fast and in the back of my mind I was praying that this was all one big bad dream but unfortunately, it wasn't.

I weakly got up and made my way to the shower thinking that maybe, just maybe it would make things better but as soon as I walked into the bathroom and saw my reflection in the mirror, I knew that this shower would be far from good.

Stepping inside, the hot water dripped down my back as I began to wash myself. I took the bar of soap and scrubbed every part of myself but even when I did so, I still felt dirty. I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed but I couldn't shake it off. Too many people had touched my body and it was disgusting to even think about it; three too many.

I was wishing to go back to the days when I was innocent and that I would never get involved in relationships, when I was naive.

My back rested against the shower tiles while I watched the steam flow out of the glass doors.

I hate myself, I hate the feelings I get, I hate what I do. I basically don't even have self respect, it's sickening.

Shutting the water off, I got dressed in a pair of black jeggings along with one of Austin's pull over shirts; the light blue one to be more précised. I needed comfort and that was the only way I could possibly get it. His scent was held in between each and every fibber; I loved it.

I grabbed my backpack and headed out the door not caring about anything. My hair was wet, I had no makeup on, I hadn't eaten, I didn't do my homework nor did I study not to mention that I was late. Yes, I was late.

When I got to school, the hallways were empty as the only sound heard was teacher's voices here and there. Walking into math, I sat down to my usual spot as I felt everyone's eyes on me, watching literally my every move.

"You're very late, miss Torres." The teacher said. I nodded opening up my books and pretended to listen to her annoying voice.

The bell rang shortly after as I dragged myself to that same class. By this point, I wanted to kill myself. I would rather spend all day in math than to actually go into that class.

Stopping at the entrance, I stood there a few seconds not knowing what to do at all.

"Madison?" I felt someone behind me. I turned around and saw Tanya eyeing me from head to toe. "Did you study? You never came over last night."

I parted my lips but nothing came out.

No, I didn't study.

"Are you okay?" She then asked, her facial expression changing into a more worried one.

I swallowed feeling worthless and degraded "I- I'm just stressed out." I lied.

"Don't worry, it should be easy I mean if you listen in class--" She trailed off.

"Yeah- yeah I do."

And then she basically forced me into walking through the door. I wanted to sit anywhere but beside him, there was no way I could face him.

My feet took me to my spot as I plopped down on the stool holding my face into my hands.

He wasn't here yet.

"Stop stressing out, Madie." Tanya half shouted from where she was sitting "I swear it's gonna go great." I nodded my head letting her know that I understood perfectly what she had said.

About a minute later I felt a presence beside me and it didn't take long for me to feel the urge to vomit everywhere.

My lip trembled while my heart beat excessively fast.

"Hey!" He chirped and right when he did that, I felt like banging my head into the wall.

He was happy.

I took in a breath and turned to him. He placed his hand on my back before knitting his eyebrows together "Is that your shirt?" I shook my head. "Whose is it?"

"Austin's" I whispered.

"I thought you were over him? You told me that you were."

Tears started to suddenly pour down my face as I brought the sleeves up to my face to somewhat wipe them away "It was a mistake." I choked out.

"What?"

"I was angry and hurt, that's why I did it."

I felt Cameron tense up, his stare still on me even though I was looking straight ahead. A few students were looking at us wondering why I was crying as I prayed that he wouldn't blow up on me creating just that more attention onto us.

"So you used me?" I didn't say anything "Do you think this is a fucking joke?"

Here we go, I thought.

"I feel disgusting, Cameron. I shouldn't be feeling like this after sex, it doesn't work that way."

"Yeah okay because you would know I mean, you enjoy fucking every single guy that crosses your path."

I tuned my head to him, anger fuming off of my body "But you don't even know me!"

"I know you enough to shove my dick inside of you, that's a start don't you think?"

"Shut up!" I cried.

"What's going on?" The teacher suddenly butted in, making the whole class go dead silence.

"What's going on?" Cameron repeated "What's going on is that she's a two faced bitch who likes to mess around with people's feelings."

"Watch you language," He warned "Look I don't care about your problems but don't bring them into class and disrupt my teaching." We both nodded before he went back to the board.

Class dragged along, I did the test not being able to concentrate on any of the questions until finally, it was over.

I walked out the door running my hand through my hair not believing how messed up my life had turned out.

I need change.

I walked over to my locker before sliding myself down, burying my head into my knees that where up against my chest. Too bad for lunch huh?

* * *

I threw my bag onto the floor before getting into bed, pulling the covers over me. I laid there for a while until it hit me.

I got up as quickly as I could and ripped everything off my bed.

I can't sleep in this.

I started with my comforter just throwing it onto the floor proceeding with ripping off my sheets right to the mattress where nothing was left. Even my pillow, I threw it to the floor.

My chest rose up and down in anger and frustration to what I had just done. I stripped down my whole bed and I wasn't planning on making it back either because first and far most, everything needed to be washed.

I stood there not knowing what to do, both my arms on either side of my body until my phone started ringing. Luckily for me, it was still in my pocket.

"Hello?" I asked not even bothering looking at the call display.

"Madison?" The voice cooed "Can we talk?"

It was Austin.

"You don't wanna talk to me." I chuckled.

"No I really do."

"Didn't you just hear what I said?" I gushed rather loudly "You don't even wanna be around me so don't even bother."

"What's wrong with you? Why in the world wouldn't I want to be around you?"

"I'm a worthless piece a trash, you should go find yourself someone better than me because trust me, this isn't what you want." And with that I hung up feeling a bit better.

I dropped my phone onto the floor before getting up and spreading myself across the empty bed. The bed was almost as empty as my soul, my heart at that. Or even my life.

The moment I closed my eyes, I started seeing the scene replay through my head again. It made me want to throw up but instead, it's the tears that came out. They kept falling without me even having to cry.

The door to my room suddenly swung open as I stayed there not even bothering with looking at who had just entered even though I was pretty sure of whom it was; it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out.

No noise was coming out of the person's mouth as light footsteps came towards me, slowly.

"Madison," He spoke "Baby" He came over, draping his arm around my back considering I was lying flat onto my stomach. I flinched to his touch not being able to do anything because the guilt, it was something I had never felt before.

His whole body was now caressing mine while his free hand tried to brush the hair away from my face "Talk to me." He begged.

I chuckled again but instead, it came out more as a cry making me sob into my arms that were holding my head. "I think it's better we break up now." I choked out even though it killed me to do it.

His grip suddenly got tight around me as I was unable to move "Please, no. I'm sorry- I'm so sorry. I'll do anything to make it up to you."

"It's not that."

"Then what is it?" He murmured.

I turned my head to his, revealing my face for the first time as the tears kept rolling down my burning red cheeks "I--" His hand cupped my cheek wiping anything that was falling away. "I ruined everything."

"No you didn't, I promise you."

I licked my lips knowing that he didn't understand "I was angry with you last night and-" I stopped catching my breath "And I was really mad."

"I know"

"And- and I did something because I couldn't handle the pain." He looked at me, his focus completely on me and what I was saying "I don't deserve you."

"Stop saying that!" He rushed rather worriedly before shutting his eyes closed "I want to be with you."

"No you don't! I had sex with Cameron last night okay? We had sex. Do you wanna be with a slut? Do you wanna be with someone who cheated on you? No, no you don't."

Austin simply looked at me while I rolled out of his grip, the tears pouring out even more so. He didn't budge though, he just stayed there in complete silence.

A million thoughts started going through my mind wondering what he was thinking. He was probably pissed off.

"Tell me why you did it."

I shook my head "I needed to let it out."

"You actually think that sex is the answer?"

"And you don't?" I frowned "Last I recall, you were doing exactly that with me."

"You know what? Maybe you're right, we should break up." Hearing those words crushed me but I knew it was the best. Neither of us were happy and you obviously can't be in a relationship if you're not happy not to mention that the trust we had had completely vanished. Both of us made mistakes and we couldn't take it back even if we tried. He was my everything but I reached a point where I can't do it anymore. Falling for the kid ruined me.

"So that's it," My voice trembled realizing that this was it. I didn't even bother holding back the tears I mean, I had nothing to live for anyways because what I loved was slowly slipping away and once it would walk out that door, it would be forever lost.

Austin leaned over cupping my face before kissing me lightly, loving how soft his lips felt on top of mine.

This kiss meant so much because it was the last one. All the emotions were transferred through it and if I said that I didn't feel it then I would be lying.

Breaking the kiss, Austin looked down at me brushing my hair out of the way almost as if he was trying to make the best of this moment. I could tell that he didn't want to go but he was breaking. His eyes were glossy and sadness was written all over his face.

"Just remember that I love you." He whispered before getting up and walking out of my room.

I continued to lay there, fatigue taking over as the only thing I wanted to do was sleep. Sleep forever and never wake up.

The night passed by slowly, the sky darkening while I still laid on my bed lifelessly until finally, my eyes shut close and took all the pain away.

He was gone.