Our Secret (Austin Mahone Fanfiction)

Part 27

- Madison's point of view -

"Cameron!" I called out, he ignored me. "Cameron please." He kept going still not stopping.

I guess I deserve this.

English class had just finished and he had told me something. I wasn't exactly sure of what I heard because he had literally said it out of nowhere not to mention that I wasn't paying any attention. And when I went to ask him to repeat himself, the teacher told me to be quiet which leads me to where I am now, calling his name down the hallway. I don't know why but I felt as if I needed to know what he said. Of course, I was still upset about the whole situation but it was over and done with, you can't erase the mistakes you've made. You have to move on.

Sighing, I shut my eyes taking in a breath.

I'll find him later.

A cold hand was then placed onto my shoulder as I jumped in surprise finding Tanya at the back of me.

"Relax," She cooed "It's just me." I turned around giving her a half hearted smile even though I was feeling the exact opposite. "Why are you so jumpy?"

"I don't know. I guess I'm just- I just don't know."

"Did something happen?" I shook my head "Okay then." Her eyes scanned my face in a doubtful matter before we started walking towards our lockers.

I was honestly so tired; tired and exhausted. I wasn't sleeping at night and I had no idea why. Something was bothering me and I still couldn't figure it out, I was off.

"So do you want to come over and study tonight?"

I frowned in confusion "Study for what?"

"English"

"We have a test?"

"Yeah," Tanya turned to me "Weren't you listening?"

I shrugged trying to remember anything that the teacher said about a test but miserably failed, no memory what so ever. "I was but I guess I missed that part."

"Daydreaming?" I shook my head "Come on Madie, I can't read your mind. Is it Austin?"

Austin.

"No," I bluntly said. She gave me a glare before dropping the subject and continuing on with our walk. Tanya knew better then to put her nose where it didn't belong; she gave me space.

Once we got to my locker, I opened it up before throwing my books at the bottom not really caring if I messed them up or not. It didn't matter. We then got to her locker she basically did the same and took out her money for lunch.

"Aren't you hungry?" She questioned showing me the paper bill in her hands.

"Not really."

She closed her locker and next thing I know, we were standing in line. She managed to get the last piece of Pizza and when we were done paying, we went and took a seat outside on the curb. Robert wasn't at school today which was okay, no offence towards him.

"So are you going to spit it?"

"What?" I snapped my head in her direction.

"Something's obviously bothering you and I'm not going to spend the whole lunch period either talking to a wall of just not talking at all."

I bit the inside of my cheek not really knowing what to respond to that. What could I possibly say?

"So should I just ask questions and annoy the hell out of you? Or are you going to tell me?" I shrugged not really caring. Maybe I needed to start from the start I mean, she still didn't know.

"I told him that I loved him," My voice came out emotionless as I stared right in front of me.

"Oh my god Madison I-"

"I'm not done," I interrupted shutting her up immediately "We used to be fuck buddies for the longest time; using each other for our own benefits. But that all changed." Tanya was looking at me wide eyed probably not believing what she was hearing "I lost my friends over him because they wouldn't accept my life style, they didn't understand. Funny thing was that I didn't want to let go, I had grown custom to him and he was a part of me. He had told me that he loved me a few weeks ago but I never said it back until now. I told him."

She stayed quiet as I thought of what I had just said.

Hope it came out right.

"Do you?" I looked at her understanding exactly what she meant by that; I figured it out right away but the answer though, that was a different story.

"I do but-" I stopped gathering my thoughts back together "Something doesn't feel right. I should be happy right now but I'm not and I can't figure out why."

"If you're having doubts then you know... this may not be the right thing to do. Are you guys officially together?"

I twisted my lips to the side "I don't know, I think so."

"And what do you think about that?"

"I remember when I used to go to him and we would just have sex; it was nothing more. I feel like now it's all different and as much as I hate to say it, I miss those times because now, I care too much. I'm going to get sucked into this I just know it and you know, it's not like I can stop myself from loving him, it doesn't work that way."

She sighed "I know what you're feeling, I'm having problems with Kyle too. I feel like he's pushing me away and I don't know why. I'm thinking that I should just give him some space and wait until he comes back to me even though it hurts like a bitch."

"I don't want problems, Tanya! You're so in love that you can't let go and it ruins you, I know what it's like. I wanted no strings attached and look what happened."

"Relationships come with problems, you can't hide from them." She stated "You know what's happening right now? You're scared of losing him, you're scared that he'll find someone better than you, you're scared that he'll take it as a joke." I fiddled with my fingers "Look, Kyle and I have been through so much but in the end, the love we have for one another always brings us back together. I know him like the back of my hand and even if we do end up breaking up, history will never erase itself."

I shook my head not wanting to deal with this because what she said hit me so hard, too hard. I didn't know how to handle the situation. My heart was pounding in my chest and I swore that I could feel it suffocating, being squeezed more and more so every second.

She's not right. I already know that Austin would never do that, I know him. He wouldn't dare.

I felt the tension grow around us as I held my head in my hands letting out an exasperated sigh.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring this up I- I'm really sorry."

"Don't worry about it." I muttered underneath my breath. I was already having a bad day as it was but now, I couldn't care less. I wanted my bed.

After lunch was over, I went to my last two classes of the day while I struggled with all the energy I had to keep myself awake, my eye lids heavy just begging for closure. The lack of sleep was getting to me but the funny thing was that every time I actually got in bed, I couldn't fall asleep even if my life depended on it.

The sun was barely shinning through the window as the blinds were closed, the teacher's voice sounding like the lady from Charlie Brown; I couldn't understand. I was in history-- I hated history. It's non coherent stuff that happened in the past that literally no one even cares about but still, they make us learn about it and memorize it by heart. Stupid. Useless. Waste of time.

"Madison- Madison- Madison" The voice was low and seemed so far away yet I swore that it was right by my side. "Snap out of it. Madison--"

The next thing I remember is the bell going off and the chairs screeching onto the floor as everyone backed out of their seats. I rubbed my eyes trying to get myself to see my entourage before I suddenly stopped.

Shit. I have makeup on.

I let out a growl doing the same as everyone else, taking my books into my hands and heading out the door.

The hallways were filled with running teenagers while everyone hustled to get out as fast as possible in fear of missing their bus. I, on the other hand, couldn't care less. I was walking today.

I dragged my feet in the process of making my way over to my already mentioned locker and stuffed a few books into my bag.

Why are you bringing books home? My mind pressed. You know that you're not going to do your homework. You never do.

I shook my head taking the books back out of my bag before putting them back on the top shelf of my locker.

So finally zipping it up, I swung it over my shoulders and started making my way out the main doors being bumped into and pushed in the process of it all. The sun hit my face making me scrunch my nose at the brightness it held before from afar, I saw Cameron; he was with Ryan and Aaron.

You have to do it.

Taking all the courage I build up for this précised moment, I hurriedly made my way over to them completely cutting them short on the conversation they were having. I rubbed my arm in a nervous matter before bringing my eyes up to the three boys I used to share my life with; my friends.

"Hey uh, can I talk to Cameron for a sec?" I barely spoke out, my voice only a whisper. They looked at each other in confusion probably not understanding what was going on but unlike them, Cameron knew. He knew very well the reason as to why I was standing there.

"Sure" He said digging his hands in the bottom of his pockets.

We both went to the side of the school where not many people could be found to have more privacy even though we were still in the wide open, the whole parking lot in view.

Clearing my throat, I bit down on my lip not knowing exactly how to start this "You told me something in class today and I didn't quite get what you said."

"Why does it suddenly matter?"

"I don't know I just- I just feel like I need to know." Our eyes met for the first time causing my stomach to erupt with anxiety.

"I'm sorry."

"What?"

"That's what I said-I'm sorry." He actually seemed sincere for once and the more this went on, the more his eyes seemed regretful; sorrow buried within them. "I miss talking to you."

"Just tell me why you did it." I pleaded just wanting to know the exact reason to all of this, why he threw everything away.

"It's complicated."

I shook my head "We were best friends, Cameron. Why can't you tell me? Because you know damn well that I'll understand no matter what it's about, no matter who's concerned. You know me."

Bringing up his hand to his head, he tugged at the ends of his dirty blonde hair while looking away, cutting all contact from me.

"Cameron!" I snapped "Tell me!" Our eyes reconnected instantly and soon enough, he was inches away from my face. His right hand was caressing my left cheek as my hair fell carelessly on top of it, partly hiding my face for anyone to see. The mild wind was blowing and my face was getting hotter and hotter in the process knowing exactly what he was doing but for some reason, I was weak at the pit of my stomach. I felt like throwing up from the stress I was overcoming.

Then, before I knew it, his lips were pressed against mine with a great amount of force.

Did it take me by surprise? Yes. But was I expecting it? Absolutely.

"I love you." He lightly pulled back, his breath dangling across my lips. I stood there speechless, frozen and unable to move. It all made sense now. "Seeing you with someone else killed me, let alone seeing that he was using you for sex," And then I tensed up at his suddenly spoken words. He was wrong. "You deserve someone better than him- someone like me."

I shook my head taking a few steps back "No, Cameron. I'm the one who was using him, he didn't force anything upon me."

"But why would you just throw yourself away like that?"

"I didn't throw anything away to the contrary, I gained so many things. You know my story, you know what happened and now there's no going back. I don't care. I have a reason for it all and I'm sorry if you can't accept that but the least you could've done was to be supportive and not turn against me. That was a mistake."

"I just want a chance, that's all I'm asking for."

"It's too late." I whispered looking away. Guilt took over all of my emotions and I didn't even know why because the feelings were obviously not mutual; he loved me and I didn't. "I'm sorry." Was the last thing I said before leaving him there behind me, my legs taking me back where everyone could be found.

This day just kept getting worst and worst. If it wasn't one thing then it was another.

I walked at a slow pace not even bothering with getting home as fast as possible because I wasn't in a hurry I mean, what else was I going to do? I was now about half way down the parking lot when I heard my name being hollered. My eyes scanned the area trying to find where the voice came from until I saw that same red car in which I had been uncountable times before.

Shit.