or when the body contrasts the mind.
or, simply to say, as i spread a thousand pounds of miniature pine bark nuggets across the ground of the side yard of my grandparents' property, i felt my muscles contracting, working with their strength to lift the bags of mulch, breaking my back to spread the stuff across the ground. i thought about pretty little children's movies, pretty little things that were too distant.
it was then that i thought further about other disorders, ones that i knew were supposed to feel like this detachment which i felt. the feeling of hovering behind and above myself, not touching anything of the world, only witnessing them.
the websites said it was depersonalization/derealization disorder. annalise said it was atypical anxiety. my mom said it was just the sort of depression she said she and her husband had on occasion. emma said i needed to stop self-diagnosing, that if i thought something was wrong, i should get it diagnosed, and that if i didn't get it checked out, i needed to stop talking about it.
mind weak, arms strong, i can't take their words for long.
YOU ARE READING
Smart Girl
Non-Fictionthoughts from the smart girl. //the journal of wren// //highest rank #2 in non fiction// //all names of real people interacted with here are altered from their original versions for privacy's sake//
