Smart Girl

06.23.17

or when you write poetry for your pains.

"trigger warning, trigger - boom"

resting on the trigger as if it's nothing,

waiting to see if it'll go off on you,

step in front for russian roulette,

daring because of course it won't hit you.

trigger watch, mental illness.

trigger watch, no will to eat.

trigger watch, a girl with both.

trigger warning.

trigger level: moderate.

stepping closer to the gun,

just to inspect how many bullets there are,

what your chances are of coming out alive.

and as eyes catch sight of the full barrel,

you hear the trigger click.

trigger level: severe.

trigger warning,

she points the gun at me

and shoots a round of fire.

they hit my brain and bring on pain,

and God do i hate how it hurts.

she tells me she refuses to eat,

that skinny has her allegiance,

says she'd never consider getting better.

trigger level: return fire.

trigger warning:

she's gonna die,

but the holes in her stomach won't be from bullets,

they'll be from her wretched eye.

~

eating disorders are a mental illness that should never go unnoticed. the road to recovery is hard, and you're going to have to give up sometimes to get better, but no matter what, you will be found if you just ask for help. so many people will give it to you without question. too many people die because of body image and the way their eyes distorted their view of their already wonderful body. you are beautiful as you come, and you don't need to deprive yourself of things just to change that. find the hotline numbers for your country, whether you are suffering from or susceptible to crises or health issues, keep them on your devices, and never be afraid to ask for help. people die because of these things, because they believe help and hope are not for them. health is for everyone, and it is a right. don't let anyone deny you that.

with love and tears,

~l