Amour

Chapter 9

Harry's POV

A wave of dread coursed through me and I swiftly turned back towards the front of the sanctuary. I didn't want to look at Louis any longer, not that he could look me in the eye anyways. It was quite obvious Louis had been out last night: his clothes were wrinkled and appeared slightly dirty, his hair was a tousled mess, and his lack of sleep was apparent due to the bags under his eyes. Yet it was so unfair how he still looked painfully stunning. He didn't even have to try. He looked so cuddly and cute in his grey beanie. 

I wasn't sure why I was even bothered by this. I had already known about Louis. This is what he does. He parties, drinks, smokes and has sex. A lot of sex. But it still made me uneasy whenever I thought about it. This is the exact reason I shouldn't be associating with him. Nothing good could come from hanging around someone like Louis Tomlinson. 

However, that was the problem. I was starting to believe I didn't really have a choice in the matter anymore. I could fight it all I want, but no matter how much I tried to stay away, there was a strong invisible force pulling me back. There was just something so hypnotizing and magnetic about Louis. Those deep blue eyes sucked you in and made you want to stay.

I tried to push all thoughts of Louis away and struggled to take in even breaths. Please, no. I silently pleaded. Now was not the time. I had been doing so well... at least until he came along. It had been months since my last episode. I used to suffer greatly from anxiety until I learned how to cope and build up walls. I got used to blocking out everyone and any feelings. I became very good at shutting out people too. Well that is until the stupid boy with the stupid blue eyes and thick eyelashes and high cheekbones waltzed in and screwed everything up. 

I suddenly became painfully aware of the loud choir's singing and the mass amounts of people rejoicing god knows what. I cringed when the plump lady next to me threw her arms up and belted out the notes horribly off key. Everything was so loud, so bright. I wanted nothing more than  to just curl up in a ball in the corner. It was as if the room was closing in on me. It was much too small and I was suffocating.  All of the stress and pressure was bottling up in my head and I was on the verge of blowing up. I needed to get out of there, now. 

I hastily pushed past the people in my room and half walked half ran to the exit. I didn't even care if people were watching. I felt like I was slowly drowning; my lungs were desperate for air and I craved an escape. 

Thankfully, everyone was in service so I made my way to my father's office without any trouble. I flopped down onto a leather foot rest and cradled my head in my hands, trying to relax. Everything had just become too much lately. 

I begin my practiced breathing exercises. 

Ten

Breathe.

Nine

Breathe.

Eight

Breathe.

Seven 

Breathe.

Six

Breathe.

On five my breathing stopped all together and my back straightened. A set of warm hands were placed on my shoulders. I didn't need to turn around to know who was so close behind me. His presence was unmistakable. I let out a shaky breath as his skilled fingers began massaging my back and shoulders.  My eyes fluttered shut and I melted into his touch. That's all it took; one touch and I was all done.