Lost Mate

Six

I close my eyes and let the smell of dew and vanilla consume the air around me. His scent only wants me to go insane, wants me to jump on him and kiss him like there is no tomorrow. I should be ashamed of myself thinking like that. It's like my brain and my heart are totally thinking for themselves. I don't have any power over my heart which is beating too times faster when he is around and my brain who tells me time and time again what it wants my body to do to him.

He gets closer, but I don't open my eyes. I don't want to see him, because if I see him I will break. I will start to cry and out of all things that is something I do not want to do at all. Not infront of him. Not because of him.

For some reason my father pops into my head. It doesn't matter how much I try he is always there to make sure I know I am worthless. My father has said the same things again and again and at some point I start believing them.

I remember every hit, every pain like it was yesterday. The way my skin was ribbed off of my body and how blood was everywhere. I wonder how my father felt when he cleaned up my blood. If the smell didn't make him feel just a little bit sorry.

I wonder how he felt when he hit her, when she begged him to stop and then finally gave her last breath under his hand.

The thought makes me sick to the stomach. It makes me want to puke.

My mate takes a seat on a chair in front of the cell and I can feel him looking at me.

'It seems like some of them know.' His voice is full off anger and if it wasn't for the cell door between him and me I have a feeling he would have choked me to death. 'Do you mind telling me how they know?' He thinks I told them. He think because I am a sick rogue that I can't keep my word. I hate my father, but i promised him one thing and that is to never give his name. And I won't. I gave him my word. No matter how much I hate him. Or better yet... I gave my mother my word.

'I don't know. They just know.' My voice is like a whisper in the not blowing wind down here. He gets up and touches the cells gate. His flesh burning under his hands as he looks at me. I look at him to find him angry and his eyes black. Why is he hurting himself? 'Stop it! What are you doing?'

'I am keeping myself from ripping your head off,' he says pissed, 'I will look weak! I can't have a rogue as my Luna! It is disgusting.'

It is silence. The only thing that is heard, is his heavy breathing. He looks at me and his eyes become that amazing white color I am in love with. I kind of have never noticed, because I have never looked up at him, never looked him in the eyes. Not really.

'I know,' I whisper with tears in my eyes looking down.

'Excuse me?,' he asks confused, the anger still there.

'I know that I am disgusting to you. I know that all you want to do is kill me. I don't blame you. We, rogues, attack your territory way too many times for you to care. I know I am not worthy of becoming a Luna. I am a born and raised rogue. I don't even know why my parents became rogue. All I know is that he wants revenge, but don't ask me for what. I don't have a clue. I have been asking myself the same question you have been asking yourself. Why me as your mate? You're a mighty Alpha who deserves someone strong. I am a sad excuse, worthless, useless. I have been told that my entire life and I know it is true. I am weak and a Luna can't be weak. I can't even find my wolf and it is depressing. She was a fighter. Stronger than I will ever be. She is the one who made me stand up for myself and now I am here all alone and broken and completely lost.'

The cell door opens. Tingling and sparks fill my hole body when he lifts me up and holds me close to himself without saying a word. My head rests on his chest and I can hear his increasing heartbeat. I smile to myself, but feel weak and poor. How will I ever be able to be the strong woman by his side which he deserves. How will I ever win Cindy in a challenge if my wolf isn't even here? I am a hundred percent sure she will challenge me and I will lose unless I find my wolf back.