Lost Mate

Twelve

This feeling is killing me. Being away from the guy who is made just for me is tearing me apart. Especially now I know that he is anything but save. Rogues attacked his pack and every part of my being is telling me that it has everything to do with my father. Word must have gotten out somehow that I was there. Maybe even that I am his mate. We are both in danger. Both these packs are in danger and it's all my fault. I don't really know if it is my fault but it sure feels like that.

I make my way towards the bathroom to take a shower. As he warm water hits my skin I can only think about his warmth and how cold I had it when I was asleep. I tried calling him holder day after her left, but he hasn't returned any of my phonecalls or texts. It was Maria who called her sister and told her that everyone is fine, but that was hours ago.

So much can happen when there is war.

I put on a thorn jeans and a big t-shirt, his t-shirt. It makes me calm down a little bit. I wonder how others do it. I wonder how Alpha Marcus and Luna Romy do it. I wonder how former Luna Rosemary is doing it. I mean her mate is dead.

I make my way down the stairs and try to eat at least a piece of bread.

'Luna, I know that it is hard, but you need to eat of you want to stay strong enough to eat,' Maria tells me with concern in her voice. I know she cares, but right now all I want to know is if he is save. If Theo is save. If anyone I save. Oh goddess! What about my two babies? What about Jamie and James?

'Have you heard anything?,' I ask ignoring her words.

'No, I haven't. Nala said they went to battle and haven't returned yet,' she says with sadness in her voice.

All I keep telling myself is that he will be fine, but the biggest part of me doesn't believe it and it is scaring me.

'Are you okay, honey? You look pale,' Rosemary says.

'I am sorry. Something feels kind of off. I just want or need to know if he is okay. I have a strong feeling...' they all look at me without taking another breath, 'my father has something to do with it.'

'Why does he care? Why would he attack Alpha Luke's pack?',' Brandon asks a bit annoyed.

'He doesn't want them. He wants me. He wants to make me suffer.'

'I don't understand. Why? Why does your own father want you dead?'

'For so many reasons.'

***

You don't deserve to live.
If it wasn't for you, she would still be here.
If it wasn't for you, our lives would have been way better.
If it wasn't for you being a stupid, weak girl, everything would be better and revenge wasn't necessary.
Because of you, we attack.
Because of you.

***

I never understood why and I have a feeling I never will either.
Why is my father blaming me for everything?

After breakfast I go to train with Brandon. I try to focus when he starts to talk about the basics, but I can't really focus. When my phone rings and i see his name on the screen I jump out of joy.

'Hey love,' he says and I smile big while I hold his necklace in my hand.

'Hi, please tell me everyone including you and Theo are okay,' I say.

Liam, Marcus and Brandon look at me a bit surprised, but i have no idea why.

'We lost one great male and four injured are send back to the packhouse, but for the rest everyone is fine.'