Lost Mate

Thirteen

'Please darling, please stay strong. Wake up for me. If you don't hell will break loose,' Maria begs. 'Luke will let his anger out on all of us. Wake up for all of us.'

I can hear her do things and I feel her taking blood. I scream from the inside, but nothing works. What is going on with me. Why am I stuck in my own body? What if I stay like this forever and they think I am dead? What if they give up on me? Who will save me then?

Hours pass and all I can hear are different voices begging me to walk up for all kind of different reasons. Different smells coming in the room and most of them I don't even know.

'Please, sweetheart, wake up for me. Wake up for Luke. He will totally break. He acts all strong, but he cares for you. He even told me he loves you. Please, wake up. Don't leave us while we can't figure out what is going on with you.'

If I could cry I would. Her words make me sad, but happy at the same time. He told his mother he loves me and that is a hole lot. I don't even know if I am in love with him. I keep falling and falling for him over and over again, but I don't know if I can call it love. Not yet. I am too afraid. Afraid of being everything he doesn't want.

'She just left me, left us. I was devastated. I didn't want to go on with life. No one knew that I loved her, not even her, because loving her wasn't possible. Not only was she older, but she was also... Why am I telling you this? You are down and I am telling you about my long lost love who left the pack with her mate and never looked back. Not even once. She didn't even call to say she was okay. One day she was there and the next she wasn't. I searched everywhere for her, but it seemed like she didn't want to be found. I was broken, more than anyone else and then Romy came along. She loved me the moment she laid eyes on me. I mated her and claimed to love her, but I never really did. She knew and she still knows, that's why we can't have pups. She hates me for it, but I can't touch her while I think of her. I have never laid with the girl I was or am in love with, but everything in my body wishes that Romy was her. I haven't touched Romy for almost a year and it doesn't hurt me that she is gone. The only reason she stays with me is probably because she cares about he pack, her pack, my pack, our pack. The pack knows we are unhappy. They all blame me and I know it is my fault. Noone knows who the girl is that I love. I think that maybe if I see her again, with her family and her pups. Maybe then I will find ease.'

I cry. Inside of me. I cry and I am sure my wolf, wherever she is, is crying too for the truth.

'I know it sounds stupid. We are wolves for Christ sake. We don't get married like humans do. We don't let ourselves fall in love first, the mate bond does that for us. I never let him touch me. I didn't even let him mark me. I am too scared. Scared that he will only love me because of the mate bond. I am scared he won't love me for me, just like Marcus just pretends to love Romy. I don't want Brandon to not love me, but pretend because of a bond the goddess created between us.'

Why is everyone trusting me with their stories? Am I that trust worthy or is it easier to talk to someone who probably isn't listening anyway. They would be amazed how much I hear. I hear everything to be precise.

'I love her to the Moon and back and beyond that. I don't know what she wants more. I don't know what to show her more than just love her like I already do. Everytime I want to touch her, comfort her, hug her, she takes a few steps back. It's like she is rejecting me, but she isn't saying the words. She keeps saying she needs time, but I have been waiting for almost six years now and I am running out of patience. I need her. Can you wake up and tell her that I need her? I tell her myself over and over again, but... Nothing works. I asked her to marry me, but she didn't take me serious. She doesn't want to go on a date with me either. She is all about work. I don't blame her for that, but sometimes it is good to be selfish even if it is just a little bit.'