camouflage [h.s]

23

It's been a week.

A week without him, without his horrible jokes, without his beautiful laugh.

Being away from someone who is the first person I've ever created a real bond with just sucks.

Just the thought of him makes my heart want to shatter into a million pieces.

Casey made sure to stock the freezer with cookie dough ice cream, my favorite. Every time she went out with Liam, she apologized profusely until I finally pushed her out the front door.

I don't want anyone to pity me, especially Casey.

Even as I sat here, stuffing my face with ice cream, I didn't seem to feel any better knowing I'd see him first thing tomorrow. The only class we had together was now the most painful.

Do you know how hard it is not to look at someone who looks like that?

Pretty damn hard if you ask me.

I sigh loudly, getting up and putting my carton of ice cream back in the freezer before going into my room. Netflix was already open on my laptop, being as it was my latest addiction. An endless supply of shows with no obnoxious commercial breaks was all I needed in life.

After watching two episodes of Gossip Girl, I began to feel extremely tired, closing the laptop and putting it away, turning off the lights, and lying down on my bed.

For awhile I just stared at the ceiling, pointless thoughts crossing my mind until it all turned into complete blackness.

-

Whenever I wake up it hits me again, a fresh pain in my chest. It's as if I've been shot or someone punches me in the ribs.

After a few minutes of lying there recollecting myself, I got up and began to put on the now usual outfit, sweatpants and a sweatshirt.

Casey was already waiting in the kitchen with a steaming hot bowl of oatmeal, being the early riser she is. We didn't speak as we ate, her knowing I didn't really want to.

"Ready to go?" Casey asked once I came out of the bathroom after brushing my teeth. I simply nodded, both of us walking outside and getting into her car without another word.

"I know you need your space, but Liam and I are worried." I looked over to find a frown on her face.

I nearly laugh, they're worried about me being a normal human who eats away their feelings?

"I'm absolutely fine, I've just been having a few off days. That's all." I say, hopefully convincing enough.

"Well you know I'm here if you ever need to talk." Casey says earnestly, giving me another reason why she's the most amazing roommate.

"Thank you." I say before turning to stare out the window. Honestly, I'd rather be by myself right now. Especially seeming as my first class is with him.

Casey pulls into our spot, which we miraculously get almost everyday. It's pretty close to campus, and just big enough for her tiny car.

"Think I'm going to stay in here for a little while longer, have fun in class." She says, giving me a reassuring smile. I take a deep breath before stepping out of the car and making my way onto campus.

Students cluttered the halls, seeming as it was too cold to be outside anymore. I finally made my way into class, sitting in my usual seat.

Although it wasn't so usual without him.

Instead of lingering, I took out a book and began reading. God knows how long Baldwin may be.

Just as I began flipping to the next page of the novel, he walked in.

Of course he could attract my attention from across the room. With his mop of curls, dark sweatshirt, and black jeans. I thought he might notice me, maybe even a glance, but of course it didn't happen. But honestly, what was I expecting?

Today he sat besides Niall, the both of them laughing about something. Well, at least one of us can laugh.

Sighing, I got back to my book, not wanting to watch any longer.

Eventually Baldwin finally arrived, out of breath and somehow already sweaty. He did his usual routine, ending the class extremely early.

Almost everyone had left expect for the one I truly wanted to. He sat there, back facing me as he spoke to his friend.

That used to be me.

Stop it, Leah.

I took out my phone, fiddling around with it to waste some time. Once I was bored of that, I put it back in my bag.

That's when our eyes met, for the first time in what seemed like forever. His were longing, as if he were in some kind of hidden pain. It hurt to see him this way. We both looked away simultaneously. It only lasted a few seconds, but that was all I needed, leaving this unusual feeling in me.

I felt revived somehow, like just him looking at me did this.

It seemed as if all my emotions stemmed from him.

-

The rest of the day went by relatively fast, with no bumps or hiccups along the way.

Casey drove us home, blasting the radio to drown out the silence.

The bed was my immediate destination once we were back in the apartment, a sort of safe haven. A quick slumber sounded perfect, so that's just what I decided to do.

Knocking on the door brought me into consciousness. I can't even remember falling asleep.

I slowly walked out of my room, sleep still effecting me. Casey didn't seem to be around, probably out with Liam somewhere.

I walked up to a mirror on the wall, quickly fixing my very messy hair. Whoever was at the door knocked again, clearly becoming inpatient.

I groaned before walking up to it, and swinging it open. Shocked would be an understatement when I found him waiting behind it.

"We need to talk."

(This chapter kind of sucked, so sorry about that. Spring sports have started so I will be busy with that, making updating a bit harder, but I will try my best. It will probably be every other day until May. Please vote and comment! Xo)