The Makeover Project

Chapter 18 - I Shouldn't Be Here

Ellie

Everything is happening so unexpectedly. I know I feel like my heart is pounding so crazy but why do I have a gut feeling that there is something missing? I know that I've been waiting for this moment to happen since sophomore year but why do I feel like the perfect moment that I'm in right now is not so perfect at all. I can feel butterflies, I feel like my heart is about to explode out of my chest but why do I still feel incomplete?

I and Matt are seating in one of the seats at the dome where you can see stars at the ceiling because it's see through. It's so beautiful and I feel so special but in the same time, it does not really make sense but I do feel incomplete.

I felt his hand travel on mine, I was startled but I let him. I look at him when I felt his hand entangled on mine and he was smiling as he stares at the stars above us.

Am I happy?

Is this what I want?

I have a lot of questions circling inside my head and I can't concentrate.

I know that I like him but why don't I feel so caught up, why am I thinking about someone else when I'm with him? Why do I feel so incomplete when I've been waiting for this moment to happen to me for a long time?

"Ellie," He spoke out my name as my eyes were fixated at him, "I'm kind of happy."

I can't say that I'm happy that I want to jump like crazy but I feel blessed to experience something like this when I wish for it to happen to me before, "Hmm." I hummed, I don't know what to say but I'm nervous as he spoke. He still has the effect on me but it's a whole lot different when it's Austin.

What I'm doing is wrong, why am I even thinking about Austin when I'm with Matt?

"Ellie, I know it's too early to say this, I know that we just got on a date, and I know that we don't know much about each other but—" He looks at my eyes and I can feel my heart shaking. What is he going to say?

"I feel like everything that is happening right now is right, I know that this is too fast to say but I think I like you." The moment he said that to me, I can feel like I'm literally going to explode. It's the first time I heard a guy say that he likes me. I know that my feelings for him is complicated, and I feel incomplete with the thought of Austin inside my head when I'm with him but is it right to confess my feelings for him when I also like Austin?

Will Austin care if I told him I like him more that I feel incomplete in this perfect moment?

Will he like me back or does he even have feelings for me?

If I ever ignore my feelings that I have for Austin and focus on Matt instead, will I be happy?

If I move on from Austin and build a relationship with Matt that I've been dying since sophomore year will take me to happiness?

Is it Matt or Austin?

But come to think of it, will Austin even like me in the first place? He does not feel the same way that I feel for him. I know I'm being childish but why like someone who does not like you back?

"I—I—" I want to tell Matt that I like him back but I can't just process any words from my mouth. It's like it has been stuck and I can't do anything about it.

"You don't have to say that you like me immediately, I just want to tell you what I feel."

"No Matt—" I feel like I'm going for a decision that I'm still hesitant about but I want to be happy, I don't want to be sad or cry again because of Austin, especially when I know that he does not like me. I want to be happy. I want to try to have this relationship especially when the guy likes me back.