All Grown Up |Sequel To His Block|

|1.11|

"C'mon Jhen, eat somethin'. For me." Anthony had been begging Jhenea for the past two days to actually put something in her mouth, but she refused. All she wanted to do was be in the darkness, sketch dark pictures and cry. It was heart aching for Anthony to be witnessing this phase from her.

As much as he wanted to go right along with her, he knew he had to hold shit together for the sake of their relationship. "Anthony please, just leave."Jhenea croaked out. Her voice was in and out and a little scratchy due to all the crying.

Taking the food, he set it aside. He took off his shoes and shirt before getting in next to her on the bed. He wrapped his arms around her hoping that this time she wouldn't fight him off. Jhenea had refused any type of contact with anyone. Anthony couldn't even get her to lay next to him at night. She usually got up and went to sleep on the couch once he had fallen asleep.

This was the first time in five days that she was this close to him. It eased him, he thought of this as progress, but she had so much more to go. "Its alright."Anthony said to her. He didn't want to push his limits and try to kiss her, but he wanted to so bad. To him, that was the only reassurance he could give her, letting her know that he was there for her.

"It's not alright---- it never will be alright. I lost a baby---- my baby---- our baby. You can't just sit here and tell me it's going to be alright. I'm not alright Anthony, I'm going crazy." This was the most Anthony heard out of her aside from the constant crying. He would usually plant his ear onto the door and listen to her wail in tears. Jhenea shut him out, more than she had ever done. Her walls were back up and her mind was distorted.

Jhenea hated her life currently. Her life seemed to be teasing and mocking her as if she were some undisciplined child. She went through all the labor pains and procedures just to not come home or even hold her baby. And let's not forget that she was still going through all the pregnancy symptoms. It was like God was holding something over her head, something she couldn't have----ever.

Anthony moved closer to her, his hands refrained from her midriff and stomach area knowing that would trigger her, just as last time. He wasn't about to get thus far only for her to kick him out abruptly like she had been doing lately. "Life hasn't been to well for us Jhen, I get it. I think about this day in and day out and as a father I always think of fuckin' ways I could have prevented this shit. Last night, I fuckin' cried when I was prayin'. Shit never seem to go right when it comes to me. I'm a fuckin' bad guy, I killed people, stole from people, tortured people, but never in a million fuckin' years I ever felt this guilty. This is just my bad karma. I'm sorry that you had to be a victim to my baggage, this wasn't meant from you. As of now on, I worship the fuckin' ground you walk on, you gave me somethin' beautiful and although it aint' here with is physically, it'll always be with us spiritually."

Anthony eyes glided from the ceiling and down to Jhenea. Her light snores sounded through his ears instantly calming him. This was the first time she had actually shut her eyes for some real sleep. He was glad that he was able to clear her mind enough to let her slumber take it's course.

"I love you, always will, never stopped." He gently placed his lips into her shoulder making sure to be cautious of her sleep.

The next day, Jhenea had gotten a little better. Her pale skin grew some color while her hair was at it's natural state and length. She no longer remained in baggy unchanged clothing, she had put on a dress that fit to her comfort. In her eyes, you could still sense the sadness seeping through her pupils, but her high cheek bones and light smile masked it well and was able to fool any stranger.

She had took her antidepressants and she slowly yet gradually felt a change as the day went forward.

She sat in the center of the hardwood floors of the kitchen with her shortened easel and various scale colors of greys, reds, dark blues and black. She hadn't lifted a paintbrush in over a year now. Time was limited to her now and days so she cut painting out of her itenarary of life.