Who We Used To Be // h.s

8

Emma;

I was exhausted.
Alex only slept from 7 until 3am and then decided he wanted to run around the house. He wouldn't go back to sleep.

I tried everything; ignoring him, iPad, tv, reading him a story, warm milk.

Nothing, and I mean nothing got him back to sleep.

Eventually at 6:30am he fell back to sleep, I luckily did too but was woken up at 8:30 by Daniella asking if I'd be in the office today at all.

"I will not be in the office." I said matter of factly.

I gave Chloe some money when she came at 10am to take Alex out for the day and returned back to bed.

I woke again around 12:30 and made myself some lunch.

Me: Sorry I was a bit off this morning. Had a bad night with Alex. I'll be back in the office tomorrow xx

Daniella: Don't worry about it! I could tell by your voice you were shattered😂 Rest, See you tomorrow xx

My doorbell rang and I sighed. I wasn't interested in whatever they were selling or joining a local parish. When it rang again, I grumbled as I stood up from my sofa, pausing Netflix.

Wrapping my dressing gown around me tight I answered, only to be surprised by Harry.

"Hello..?" I opened the door wider to let him in.

"I just wanted to come and see you. Talk more about tour,"

I sigh shutting the door. "Look, Harry.."

"You're making a mistake."

I fold my arms. "Oh,"

"You're saying no to a huge opportunity for what? For pride? For yourself? Come on Em."

I look away.

"We've missed out on each other's lives for the past five years and-"

"Yeah because you wanted that," I snap walking through to my living room, Harry in tow. "I didn't cut you out Harry, you cut me out."

He swallowed. "And I am so, so sorry about that." He answered quietly. "But you can't hold that against me and not try to build on our friendship,"

I tie my hair up into a pony. "Why now?"

"Huh?"

"Why suddenly do you want me in your life? Why suddenly do you need me in your life?"

"I've always needed you Emma."

I scoff. One thing I knew about harry was that he was good with words, and good at getting what he wants.

"You didn't even know I was in London until you saw me a couple of weeks ago, what if I was only visiting? What if I still lived in France? Then what?"

"I'd still try and make us work, i'd fly to Paris every weekend if I had to."

I was frustrated.

"You're just saying this,"

"I'm not, I haven't asked anyone else. I don't want to book anyone else."

"But.." I sigh in exasperation.

"Why don't you do two weeks, or a week, a day, anything. If you don't like it, it's not what you want you can leave."

"You know I won't ever not like it."

He smiles. "Then why not do it?"

"Because it's you H," He didn't seem to get it.

"And?"

"You.. you didn't come back for me. You left me in your old life, why should I be in this life? Don't you think I was only meant to know you.. then? Not now?"

He shakes his head. "I'm supposed to know you in every life. Yes we were apart for years but that was for whatever reason. We were supposed to see each other again."

I didn't know what to answer with, and when I heard the door unlock and open I knew Chloe was bringing Alex back from their day trip.

"Hey baby," I smile picking up a very tired looking Alex. "Did you have a nice time?" I ask as he rests his head on my shoulder, when he looks over to Harry he lifts his head up and smiles.

Harry smiles back at him. "Hi Alex."

Chloe walks in, Alex's day bag on her arm. She stopped when she saw Harry. She was used to traveling with Alex and I, she often came with me to shoots but never on tours as I was always able to manage Alex and work. Chloe was used to seeing celebrities, but I don't think she was expecting to see Harry Styles in my home.

"Hi, I'm Harry." He introduces with a smile.

"Chloe.. I'm Alex's nanny."

"Lovely to meet you,"

With a subtle blush Chloe looks away. "You too," She hands me the bag. "He didn't need a change of clothes or anything. We went to the zoo then to a bakery for some light lunch."

"Thank you so much. I know I look atrocious today," I laugh. "I just had a bad nights sleep with him."

She waves me off. "It's fine, he's been really good. He loved the zoo, he's really tired now though."

"Thank you,"

"No problem,"

Alex gives Chloe a cuddle before she leaves.

"Would you like a drink?" I ask Harry walking back into the livingroom, he was holding a helicopter I guess Alex had given him.

"What do you have?"

"Water, tea, coffee, green tea, orange juice, apple juice..." I reel off.

"Juice!" Alex exclaims. "Juice mummy!"

"Please.."

"Peas," He repeats.

"Can I have apple juice please?" Harry asks nicely.

I nod. "Sure,"

I hand them both their juice and check some emails while Alex plays with Harry, it was nice to see him around a male influence in a way. And that was one reason why I wanted Harry to stay, but I didn't have the confidence that he would. I was constantly on alert that he'd leave me, but this time it wouldn't just be me, it would be us.

Harry came and sat beside me, both of us watching Alex happily playing with the fire engine he'd bought him not so long ago.

"He's loved that," I nod. "He's taken it out to the park a couple times too."

"I'm glad he likes it."

"He doesn't really have a male influence in his life." I start. "My dad barely sees us, his dad doesn't even know we left France." I roll my eyes. "I don't have any male friends really."

"You have me," He nudges me.

"Exactly," I look at him, his eyes staring straight into mine. "If I do this tour. If you want me in your life, Alex is in this too. And I can't have you leaving us. I can't go through that again."

"You're scared I'm going to just.."

"Go?" I answer. "Yes,"

He sighs. "I won't."

"I need you to prove that,"

He nods with a small smile. "And I will Em, I promise."