Who We Used To Be // h.s

32

Emma.

My father passed away early hours of the following morning.

I sat in the waiting room staring into nothing, the doctors words swirling around my head. I know Harry didn't know what to do exactly in that moment so he held me, he let me sob into his arms. He let me be raw and hurt and I would forever be grateful for him.

After a little while, after we were told to give our final goodbyes Harry sat me down with a blanket to fetch me a drink and snack, I hadn't eaten in hours.

Alex was at my mum's, she had drove over to see dad before taking Alex back with her. He wasn't happy and threw a huge tantrum in the hospital carpark because he realised I wouldn't be going with them but mum reassured me he'd be fine and with the state I was in I couldn't exactly argue and keep him with me. It wasn't a place for a toddler.

Now, three days later we were back in London. I didn't exactly want to return back but our life is here and unfortunately life has to go on.

Harry had been amazing. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world.

We were staying at his because Alex liked rolling around the garden on his fire engine. Harry had a couple of work meetings and I was spending hours sorting through paperwork and funeral arrangements with Katie via email.

Luckily, dad had very good advisor's, lawyers and accountants who had sorted out a majority of it all but it was down to Katie and I to sort out the Church, venue, who'd to invite etc.

"Babe?" Harry called walking in. I'd seen him arrive on the gate camera in the kitchen so I expected him.

"Alex is napping in the living room." I yawn.

"Oh, shit, sorry."

I smile. "It's fine," I look back to my laptop, I was looking at headstones for dad. Not something I pictured doing days before the new year but, it is what it is.

"You okay? You look exhausted."

I sigh as I look at him. "Good afternoon to you too my gorgeous boyfriend," I smirk sarcastically as I continue to scroll.

"You know what I mean,"

"I'm fine,"

He spins my chair round and kisses my nose. "You can tell me,"

"I'm just finding today hard,"

He brings me into his chest and I relax.

"And it's okay to have hard days, as long as you're honest about it and tell me so I can say, would you like a cuppa? And also, I'm ordering pizza later."

I smile. "Yes and yes."

He kisses me. "Perfect,"

Harry postponed New York, I had told him it was fine and I'd be okay but he refused. He couldn't bare the thought of leaving me a week after my father passing so he instead postponed it to the following thursday. Cameron was very understanding and even asked Harry to pass on her condolences, I appreciated that and respected her a little more than I did before.

Dad's funeral was a long, hard day. Chloe had Alex for the day as I didn't feel it was the place for a toddler nor did I think it was fair for him to see people so unhappy.

Harry held my hand through the entire service at the church, and stood behind me while I gave my brief speech. I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to give one, but I felt determined to do it for dad. I took a deep breath and composed myself, I felt Harry's hand on my back and with ease I gave the speech.

The wake was a little easier, my aunts and uncles each came to me one by one as well as close friends of my fathers and his employees.

"You're going to be okay?" I ask Katie, she had been very quiet throughout and held my hand at the burial to my surprise.

"Your father made his promises to me, and promises to you. Both of which he has kept." She smiled sadly. "I'm not going to try to get over it, I'm just going to let it sink in and let myself feel sad when I want and feel happy when I want."

I nod.

"Feel free to visit, if you want to at any point."

"Thank you."

"You're a special woman, Emma. And you're very lucky to have Harry by your side."

We both look over to Harry who had just bought me and him another drink at the bar.

"I'm the luckiest woman in the world," I smile.

Katie squeezes my hand. "That, you are."