Dear Daughter,
I'm sitting on the porch tonight, my favorite place to be. As I sit here, my mind went to reflections of your freshman year. What should have been the beginning of four years of fun didn't start out that way.
You began your freshman year really enjoying high school. You were on student council, you did all the class officer duties without the title, you were in yearbook and you generally had the world by your fingertips.
You were one of the three freshman to get pulled up to play JV volleyball and you had the setter position you wanted. You had a fun season and were looking forward to growing in the program.
October came and with it came a rodeo where you met a young man who would become one of your closest friends. Thru him, and his encouragement, you joined high school rodeo. You also happened to ask him to snowcoming as a friend and he said yes. That led to the greatest thing that happened this year, meeting his mom who has since become your weekend mom.
October and November brought our birthdays and pretty quiet months. Volleyball ended and you were waiting for travel season to begin. Your best friend was being himself and depending on the day you either hung out or weren't speaking.
Then came December, your favorite month, the month you got certified as a lifeguard, and started your job. It was also the month you went to your first jackpot and brought home your first cash envelope from a barrel race. This is the month with your favorite holiday, when you are all about making and giving gifts but not receiving them. It was though, this same month that would completely change your life.
Why did he choose you as his victim? Why did he use your best friend as his identity? Why did he have to send those Snapchat messages? Why did he have to change your life? Those questions may never be answered or they may be answered in court. I know you don't want to face him in the court room. I know you don't want to tell him how he changed your life. I think you feel like that would let him win but it won't. He needs to know that he hurt you in unimaginable ways. You had to move schools, you lost all of your friends, you had grades that suffered, and you had to walk away from the stares and the rumors and all the things that people said. Through it, you also lost your best friend. Your friendship couldn't survive what this did to you both.
So, what else happened your freshman year? Let's look at the positives that happened. You changed schools and you have a fresh start. You have new challenges and new people to meet. It hasn't been easy. I worry about you. I ask if you've made friends and your answer is no, not really. You come home from school, go work with your horse and spend the rest of the night in bed. I've seen the spark leave your eyes.
This hasn't been easy. You love rodeo but that has also had it's challenges. You've liked a couple of guys but that's fallen apart too. I hear you, I watch you, and I see the pain. You hide it well but as your mom, I've seen more than you think.
Where do things go from here? I'm not really sure. I think you've hit rock bottom so I hope it can only get better. I hope that you take your summer and enjoy it. Give people chances to walk into your life knowing that some are only for a season or a reason but some are meant to be there forever.
I know you've told me that you only like cowboys but maybe it's time to give other guys a chance. You know, there is someone out there for you. Maybe this is the time to give it a chance. You've only liked rodeo boys and that hasn't led to anything other than you watching them with other girls. That's not what you want. Find that guy who will support you in everything you do while you support him in all that he does too.
You've shared with me that you aren't into dating to date, that you are dating with a purpose to find your forever. You are so driven and goal oriented. You know exactly what you want in life. You will find him and you will find your dreams. But, you are also young. Take time to have some fun and to live a little.
You have saved all your firsts for someone special. Make sure he respects you, doesn't pressure you, and loves you. Get to know him, start out slow. There is nothing wrong with that, you will be amazed at how much feeling there can be with the right person just holding hands. If there is spark there, it won't go away. I know, after 28 years with your dad, the same spark is there when he holds my hand, or gives me a hug, or kisses me. Let that be enough for now.
This is it though, your freshman year chapter is closed. I know that there is a lot of relief in knowing that. I hope this court case happens over the summer so that you have a clean slate to start your sophomore year.
Love,
Mom
I have to add what happened today.... For the first time ever, I was scared when the school went into secure mode. What made it different this time? It was the not knowing... I'll be honest, one of my worst fears is that I can't protect you from the person who targeted you. He knows where you live, where you go to school, and much more. My heart stopped because I think about school shootings and I worry that could have been him coming after you. Thankfully, it wasn't. But the what ifs scare me enough. Find your protectors at school. Have people in place that you can trust enough to share what you've been through. You need people who can protect you. He's banned from your old school but it wouldn't stop him from walking into your new school.
