Falling For Bad (completed 🔥)

XLI

Madeline's POV

Sitting outside on the curb, just feet away from my door. Nathan paced and sighed making me uneasy. We were finally home and he still hadn't said a thing.

Despite wanting to start a new, the temptation of the past still lingered and now showed promise through such a small object. This seemed like it would be the key to the past and I had to find out. This was an opportunity I didn't expect to come, I was coming or at least trying to come to terms with starting fresh.

I returned to reality and noticed the awkward silence so I decided that maybe I should say something first, to calm his nerves and maybe persuade him to finally say something. "I decided to give this a chance a while ago," I finally said and Nathan stood still. "I wanted to start new and all but I see how naïve it is, especially with so much baggage, still... I wanted to try. And the journals, they may be helpful but it's like reading a book about yourself from a stranger who you hardly know. And there's this constant feeling while reading that makes me feel like I'm intruding in someone else's diary or that there are pages missing to a story I know nothing about. Nothing can replace a memory not even gifted words from the most poetic or eloquent writers. Everyone tried to help me but no one can tell me all my missing memories. But I do know how I feel and how I feel about Jake-"

"You don't have to-" he was quick to interrupt but I was quick to retort.

"I do love Jake and I feel guilty that I left him, yet now after moments with as compared to my time with Jake... I find you more appealing. And it reminds me of the romantic idea of a soulmate. I didn't want to change, I wanted the present to somewhat correlate to the past, but time stands still for no one."

I watched Nathan's facial expressions, deciphering what he was feeling but he just seemed dull and slightly taken aback.

"And you believe in soulmates?" He was almost snarky but I felt sorry for him and his pessimistic view on love. As if he ever truly felt it.

"I do," I quickly answered. I spared no time and answered confidently. I dared him to challenge me and my beliefs, "Do you not?"

"So easily said and not as easily lived. Soulmates is something that confused people say to not be alone. Most of us don't even understand love and confuse it with affection or simply liking someone."

"You're cynical. If I can prove that you love or can love someone then you have to do what I ask."

And like that I took off the necklace held it to Nathan and began. "Tell me about the necklace."

"Madeline-"

"Don't you freaking dare! Answer me Nathan!"

It took a moment but Nathan finally sat beside me, now holding the necklace. "Does it seem familiar to you?"

I nodded, feeling my stomach turn and my anxiety rise. I was conflicted but I had to continue, I wanted it to all be over and wanted to feel whole again.

"Nathan," I heaved heavily and resumed, "Before you do or say anything, I want to say that I will always have feelings of affection for Jake but in the end you are it. If I was able to fall for you in the past and now then I truly believe you are the end game. I had a taste of the past with you, and it's so much more than I expected, it's indescribable. I'm just drawn to you and we haven't been together that long, it sounds so idealistic but it's the truth. I'm beginning to understand and feel what I did in the past."

Nathan's face held a different expression than I had ever seen before but I couldn't shake off my feelings of embarrassment and so I turned away. "Can you start now?"

After clearing his throat he began and kept his eyes fixated on the shiny metal, "This-This I gave to you a long time ago. You don't remember but when you left I gave you this as if you were a dog. My name and all, like I owned you. I didn't mean to degrade you to something like a dog or an object but it's because I felt like you were mine and I say this in the most respectful and caring way. I just wanted others to understand that you were taken and I didn't want you to be distracted."

"Why would I be distracted? Believe me she had so many reasons to leave you and she didn't. Can't you rely on me? Trust me? You've been hurt I get it, but Nathan look I'm still here, not the same but I'm here. Also, I don't see your name on it."

"I decided you deserved something better than my name like a dog tag, so I decided to give you..." he paused and thumbed the heart.

Now watching his eyes I notice him look to me and he took the necklace and opened my hand. He sighed and closed my hand with his. Then he began again, "I wanted you to have my heart. I was not man enough or grown enough to say it but Madeline, I love you. I've never wanted someone like this, and it feels dangerous, like we will inevitably get hurt."

I heard those sweet sounds finally come from Nathan. It took me back and I began to feel different, I was reminded of something from the past. I couldn't really see anything but I could hear Nathan say those same words and he also said he wouldn't give up, it was all vague but the memory was there. I felt frustrated and as I looked at Nathan he was inaudible but saying something. I was too focused on the memories. I thought more and remembered the day it happened.

"Madeline?"

"Shh! Quiet."

So many things began to flood in like opening a faucet and having a steady stream of water but in this case, memories. I looked at Nathan and was reminded of horrible things, I felt sick and angry but also I felt so strongly about him. But I had to do what I needed to do for a while.

Nathan was watching me, slightly on edge but I took this moment to calm myself and slap him. It wasn't a movie moment slap but it got the job done, "This makes up for like 10% of the shit you put me through."

"What the fu-"

And quickly as Nathan turned back to me, reddened by my hand, I leaned in pressing my lips against his and holding the necklace tightly in my other hand. I felt relieved and I had something to finally remember and connect to.

Pulling back I couldn't help but chuckle at how confused Nathan seemed. It was interesting to see Nathan like this because I was so used to him being composed and straight faced. I began to contrast everything from past memories to recent memories. The more I thought about how we were to now, I felt like we grew. And I wanted to do things that I was to afraid to do before. I felt stronger and less of a pushover, I wanted to avenge myself.

"I'll explain later but first I want to see John," but before I stood up I reminded myself to speak before it's too late, "And I love you too. Oh! I also won, I guess you do love."

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A/N Ahhh! This chapter was one of the hardest to write 😬 and I wanted it to be so perfect but it became so oddly complicated and I know I can do better. I will for sure go over this after I finish the book. But for now here is the newest chapter of FFB 💕 thanks to all who have come this far... we are almost there and thanks sooo much for reading this far, we are almost done!

-Stace

P.S. I felt so out of my mojo when writing this chapter, so please be aware of the horridness, I can smell the mistakes even now 😅