The Light in the Dark (Completed)

Afraid of Change

Please, believe me when I say
I do want to get better.
Really, I do.
I just don't know how.

I'm afraid that it'll hurt.
I'm afraid that I'll change.
I'm afraid that I'll become someone that I'm not,
and instead of actually getting better, I'll just learn to hide everything under a smile
and tell people
"I'm okay"
with tears in my eyes.
I'm afraid I'll act like I'm better,
when in fact I'm doing the complete opposite, but I'll be too blind to notice.

And it's easy,
It's so easy to be sad.
It's easy to feel broken because there's so much hurt in this world,
and it just feels
normal
after a while.
I get used to it,
and then I don't even want to try to be happy,
because I know it'll be hard,
and I figure there's no point if I'm just going to be knocked down
again.

So, I'm sorry if it looks like I'm not trying, because I am trying.
I'm just tired.
I'm tired of trying to fight
when I know I'll just end up right back
where I started.