Memories That DON'T Fade like Photographs(ALL TIME LOW)

Chapter 21

The weekend was brutal, i didn't know what exactly to do with myself now that i realized i don't have a job, I'm not friends with a band, and my brother and his band aren't living with me. it was surreal really, its processed in my mind, but it hasn't hit me like bricks yet. when that moment came i would cry harder than i did the morning i woke up from my wonderful dream. 

i spent the weekend sitting in my room on the windowsill and looking out at my back yard. we may live in a neighborhood, a busy part of town really, but my back yard was the end, it lead to the woods and i loved that because i could sit with my arms wrapped around my knees and stare out at the trees that would only move with the wind. 

not much animal life showed itself except for some birds and squirrels but that's all. the strange thing was i didn't get bored once.yeah sure most of the time my mind was else where but thankfully it wasn't completely on my 'dream' 

countless times my mother came into my room bringing me my favorite green tea and sometimes food. i wouldn't eat the food since i never had a real appetite and without her knowing i'd break it up and throw it out to the birds who'd eat it before my mom would get the chance to look outside. i'd save half for me and eat whatever it was over the next few hours. i'd finish my tea in about 30 minutes. 

it rained on Sunday, really hard so i left my window open so i could listen to it. i had always loved the rain way too much and every time it did rain you'd find me at a window somewhere watching it. or even outside sitting in it. 

this rain was special though. it formed into a thunderstorm with lightning that lit up the darkened sky and thunder that shook the house under me. it represented how i was really feeling at the moment. upset and confused and really angry with myself for letting myself believe it was all real, that it wasn't a dream.

i had actually had a chance at patching things up with my brother, i may had been too stubborn to in the dream, but at least i had the chance! I was able to find friends in my dream, people that actually cared for me a caring feeling that felt so damn real that i now felt a little empty. 

i was terrified to go back to school. Of all the things my dream could have made real (besides the people in it) it had my daily routine at school and on my way to school. i wasn't up to being chased to school again. i didn't even want to go to school because i may run into any of the boys there. i'd have to deal with people whispering about me, people throwing things at me and trying to trip me and or get me in trouble with a teacher. 

i didn't want to have to deal with that ever again, and in my dream, near the end i didn't have to deal with that, i had friends who stood up for me. People at my school had backed down because i wasn't alone in the hallways anymore or in the mornings on the way to school. i had someone with me. that's what throws me off, people actually have the decency to not bully you when someone else is around to protect you but the second your alone they strike. 

its stupid really. 

i wasn't going to school on Monday and i made that very clear with my mother. i went from begging to demanding that she let me stay home.i never raised my voice at my mother and this had her furious. "There is nothing wrong with your well being!" She had raised her voice a little higher back at me as we stood on either side of the counter in the kitchen. i was closer to the door in case i needed to escape. 

it was later in the day on Sunday and she had forced me to leave my room to shower and eat a home-cooked meal that made me feel more sick then it did warm. the thunder and lightning was at it's highest point as we argued and i was losing miserably. 

"obviously there is if you had to force me out of my room!" i swung my arm around as i countered back, it landed on pointing towards the ceiling to my room. She crossed her arms over her chest giving me a look that told me to shut up but my mouth when it starts doesn't have a filter. my brain seems to disconnected with my mouth and whatever flutters out of it. 

"its not likeI'm failing any of my classes, just one day mom! just one day!" my arms landed at my side with a huff and she hadn't moved a bit. Her glare was starting to scare me a little. i stepped back from the counter. 

"you are not missing school because you want to. whatever you are trying to get out of needs to be faced head on and you know that somewhere in the back of your mind. you cant run from it forever, its going to face you at some point whether you like it or not. my decision is final and you are going to school tomorrow" with that she dropped her arms and walked out of the kitchen leaving me dumbfounded. 

my shoulders slumped and i thought about her words. she was right, a part of me did know i wouldn't be able to run from this forever, at some point i would have to go to school and face the bullies. face that fact that i don't have friends. 

i needed to toughen up. i needed to stand up for myself and give myself a reputation that told people to back off, not come make fun of me because im a weak little girl. i just needed to figure out how to do that. 

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is this better then the last chapter? 

i like to think it is because you know im not half asleep at the moment. 

i am trying to work on my writing a little more, looking for websites or apps to help me, if you know any could you message me?? 

i am going on vaction in a week , i wont have internet so i will type up a few chapters- if i remember- and then post them when i get back. i need to get this story going! 

thanks for reading and sticking around if you have been!