Loving Katy

Chapter 11 (One of Those Days)

After the events of yesterday, I made the choice to stay home today since I was given the choice by Mr. Martin. And I don't even have to open my eyes to know that there's a dark cloud looming over me. It's going to be one of those days, isn't it?

I just know that I'm in a depressive episode when I have a hard time to even get up in the morning. I don't want to take my meds or even eat. Of course, I have to because I know that I won't get better if I don't take it. Sometimes I wish that I could be cured of this, but in other ways, I don't because I know that it's shaped me as a person and I wouldn't be the same without it.

And besides, today isn't the worst day that ever I've had by far. So, I force myself to get out of bed. And if people know me and I'm having a bad day or if something bad happened, I'm not the type of person to say "why me?" I say "Bring it on".

I get up and make my way downstairs and I notice that I've slept in until almost noon. I sit down at the kitchen island and start to dig into a bowl of cereal. I see that my mom is still cleaning up the kitchen.

"Well there's one sleepy head," she says in a joking manner.

When I don't respond she knows it's going to be a harder day than usual and she slides me a glass of water and my medication. I down it without thinking twice. I stare down at the bowl of corn flakes that I just forced myself to eat.

"So it's going to be one of those days, huh?" she asks.

I nod my head with a blank expression. In response.

"Well, all we can do is live today with the hope that tomorrow is going to be a better day, right?" she asks putting a hand on my shoulder.

I nod my head and head back upstairs. As soon as I do I see that I've gotten endless amounts of text messages from my best friend asking if I was okay.

I text her back that I'm fine but just not at school today. I lay down on my bed and I think that maybe it would have been easier if I just ended my life like I wanted to when I was in middle school.

Nope, don't think like that Katy.

And yes it's true that I wanted to end my life when I was in seventh grade. I was depressed and I didn't know what was wrong then. And now that I know that there actually was something wrong with me, I know how to handle it better. But that doesn't stop the mood swings from happening. And I don't have any control over it, I wish I did though.

And I would know the difference between being sad and being depressed. Sadness is an emotion triggered by something that happened in your life, and it's healthy to feel sad sometimes. Depression doesn't need any triggers and it's not a healthy thing to feel. And not only that but when you're depressed you're not in control of your own thoughts anymore, your thoughts control you. In that part of my life, I was being drowned by my own thoughts and there was no lifeguard in sight. And I thought that the best way to deal with it was just to give in and drown. But I'm glad that some lifeguard saw what was happening and told my parents what was really happening before it was too late.

It takes me a while to notice that both my cat and dog are laying next to me on my bed. And as soon as I notice Smokey sitting next to me, he wastes no time in getting onto my stomach and making himself comfortable. He starts to purr when I stroke the top of his head. It doesn't take long for him to start kneading me.

"Ow Smokey," I say. "That hurts"

No sooner does he stop and falls asleep on me. I stare at him breathing steadily and I know that he's in a deep sleep. I lift him slightly so that I can sit better and read my book that's on my nightstand. He doesn't flinch when I move him. I open my book and stroke his long silky coat and for a second I forget all that is happening and I feel that there's something there and it's not all just darkness today.