Lies Left Unsaid

Caitlyn

Her name was Madison, but I called her Maddie. Not only was she my roommate, but she was the only true friend I feel like I ever had. Unlike the kids at Highland Park High, Maddie wasn't interested in using me to further her own popularity. She genuinely liked me for me. She was authentic in a way I'd never experienced before. When she spoke, I knew she meant what she said. I didn't have to read behind the hidden meaning of her words, like I did with Emily. She didn't have any ulterior motive. She wanted to be my friend, plain and simple. Her genuine interest in who I was as a person was refreshing and because of it, I let my guard down in a way I'd never done before. I shared things with her I would never have dared tell Emily; things I would never have dared tell anyone. Of course, I didn't tell her everything, at least not all the dirty details. As loyal of a friend as Maddie was, I knew there were some things that her sweet little soul couldn't handle. Plus, I didn't want to tarnish her view of me. I liked the way I looked in her eyes: not perfect, but not broken either.

As the year went on, we grew even closer. Weekdays were spent going from class to class together. We both had an affinity for old literature and also an affinity for the literature teacher, Mr. Cartwright. He was definitely easy on the eyes. Maddie used to tease me that he was always checking me out when I wasn't looking, which was flattering, but getting mixed up with a teacher was the last thing I needed to add to my already full plate. I have to admit, I did flirt with him sometimes. It was totally innocent, just for shits and giggles. It made Maddie laugh pretty hard, and to be honest, it was fun having fun. It had been a while since I had experienced that. 

In the evenings, Maddie and I would attend study groups together, although about halfway through the year we got split up because "we were too giggly and unfocused" according to one of the other group members, which I can only assume was stick-up-her-ass Shelly Stevens, as Maddie and I referred to her. She was always ruining everyone's good time. 

In our dorm room, Maddie and I helped each other with our homework, snuggled together in one of our tiny twin beds and watched movies on those freezing cold Midwest nights, and got ready for parties together while dancing around to cheesy 80's music, another mutual love of ours. In fact, our times getting ready often resembled an 80's movie montage in which one of us would come out of the closet in a ridiculous outfit while the other disapproved until finally we appeared in just the perfect ensemble, the one that, if we were in a teen movie, would get the attention of everyone at the party including the hottest boy in school. We loved sharing clothes and doing each other's make-up. It was like having a sister, one that didn't drive me crazy and snoop through all my stuff. We were pretty much attached at the hip. Even so, I was still able to get away and spend time doing the things I needed to do. My year at Thomas Jefferson wasn't a vacation. I was there for a very specific reason, and I couldn't let my friendship get in the way of achieving my goals. 

I never said goodbye to Maddie, or to anyone for that matter. Goodbyes are sad and messy and not really my style. There was no need to explain why I had to do what I had to do. It was time to head back to Highland Park and face my demons head on. She wouldn't have understood, and besides, you never want to be the last to leave a party. My motto was to always leave while you're still having fun. And I was definitely having fun. Like most epic parties, mine involved sex, drugs and the cops. Unfortunately, all good parties must come to an end. Mine just ended a little sooner than expected, and in a much more sinister way than anyone could have predicted.