The Fight I kept within Me

Broken#2 chapter 6

I get that we're all grown and we have our own separate lives to live but honestly, if you keep continuing to go down the same path that's giving you the same results why not try a different path. We are put here on this earth to receive and fulfill our purpose and to give back.

My mom doesn't like hearing the truth she thinks everyone's against her when we do tell her. It's like if we don't tell her it gets worse but if we do it still gets worse. It's a lose-lose situation when it comes to telling her The truth. Looking at the overall messages you would think she would understand. which may be the case but she picks one thing that she think is negative and feed off of that as if she's not a good mother.

Telling my mother how we feel the majority of the time ends with her leaving if not leaving then locking herself in her room for days. Leaving us dreading to express How we feel to her again. We just never know how she will react. I'm not giving up on my mom so many people have given up on her. And I've grown to realize that the one's that's hard to love need you the MOST. I have to lead by example, focusing on bettering myself to help our situation. I don't want her to think that I have given up on her by writing this book I am simply expressing how I feel. I want to find the solution to her problems and I want her to stop making excuses and own up to some of her wrongs that she has caused to this family not just her but my dad as well.

I know everybody has their own way of grieving and coping with the loss of my brother Gregory. Considering that my parents had him it's hitting them harder. Considering that it's almost the anniversary month of his death November the 10th 2016. Being that that could play a factor in their behavior as well so I understand.

They have been so caught up and their broken lives not even realizing that they've raised strong but broken children as well. My mother or father never really sat down with us and ask how we were feeling and came up with solutions to fix how we felt. We use to have family meetings as kids to try to resolve our problems but that didn't work out. How this family has always dealt with expressing how we felt was through arguing bottling everything in and then exploding telling people how we felt then.

This is not very healthy at all but I want my mom to understand that how we deliver how we feel is how she's always delivered how she felt towards us. And believe it or not, taking that in time after time year after year that's something you will eventually grow accustomed to. And start doing as well, at times it may be disrespectful and I do apologize for my delivery because you are supposed to respect your elders. But as stated before if that's something you have constantly been around and wasn't shown another way that's a bad habit that takes time to change.

My dad has always been an alcoholic since when I could remember. I've never really seen him at his best state mentally apart From when he's sober. This is not very long my dad has drunk all of his life his body grew accustomed to it so he can't function without it. The best thing my dad has ever taught us was to work for what we want and need. A working man is no man his words and even though this may be true I just want to know where does being a good father fit in.

It gets so bad with his drinking state that I have to physically hit him to get him awake sometimes. He can't walk by himself in this state, He goes to sleep at family members houses knowing he has worked the next day. He goes to work I give him that, no matter the condition he make sure he makes it to work. My dad gets very disrespectful when he gets around a crowd a very childish mentality that no one likes.