The Fight I kept within Me

chapter 9

Being strong can have its kinks to it because at times all you want to do is give up and crash out but looking at why you CAN'T motivates you to push forward. I feel like these past few weeks have been crazy for me as stated in the chapter before this one. why? Because when people say that they are here for you and that you can come to speak to them about ANYTHING usually ends up backfiring on why I should have kept my mouth shut, to begin with.

The crazy thing about that is I don't trust anybody only a select few but even then do I still have my doubts. Getting that unexpected feedback kind of hurts especially if it comes from someone you were hoping to get the best advice from. I've grown to understand that misery loves company and I know that everyone is not perfect. Neither am I but being an example for so many others should motivate you to act and do well right? Or so I thought.

when someone has caused so much damage to themselves they tend to not realize how their actions affect others around them. Not everyone is against you, not everyone wants the best for you either. Things I've known for a while but are starting to experience for myself over the years. I am going to be honest with you guys more so realistic.

I am beyond proud of myself that I can maintain raising two kids on my own keeping myself up physically and emotionally. It is EXTREMELY HARD so reading this I don't want you guys to think that everything has gone good for me because it has not. I am human as you guys are, I go through things as the next person does. I more so want you guys to relate to what I am going through and to learn from this as I am.

This has made me stronger in so many areas of my life. Not having anyone to talk to that genuinely care enough about you to both tell you the truth and not make it about themselves, or turn it around and give you a negative response because their situation is not going so great at the moment that is with family and friends. My family cares for me and I know that EVERY FAMILY IN THIS DAMN WORLD goes through things it's just that sometimes your family can be your BIGGEST critics as stated before.

Which leaves you of doing what you have to do parting yourself from those people so that you can truly prosper. I feel like I have gotten closer to my inner self I still have many many WAYS to go but where I am at now and looking at where I use to be I have come along way. I am just trying to ground myself through this because this is only a season nothing eternal.

As God once said pain is meant for growth you have to feel it to overcome it. You have to understand to be understood. God has a purpose for your pain, a reason for your struggles, and a reward for your faithfulness. I WILL NOT GIVE UP! I dropped down to my knees the other day and just prayed all that I could pray. I have not been consistent with praising my god and it shows because he is who I am and how I came to be. The things I have gained in loss have all been a wake-up call for me to better myself and become closer to GOD he is real and he is a great GOD.

FUN FACT- ADRENALINE AFFECTS YOUR BRAIN BY ENHANCING YOUR MEMORY.