adore | sumellika ✔

7

Radhika sighed. She had been tossing around in her bed for a long time. She just couldn't get herself to close her eyes and sleep, no matter how much she tried. She was thinking about her past, thinking about...Krish.

Do I still love him? she wondered.

Her past seemed to flash in front of her. She seemed to be reliving it all over again through her memories. She turned in her bed again. It's a stupid crush. Why am I moping over that? People get over heartbreak. Why am I still smitten? Why can't I forget about him?

Maybe it was so that her love was deep. It was her first love and she hadn't managed to find anyone else. Her heart didn't flutter for anyone else like it had for him. For him. Why didn't I tell him how I felt? Perhaps...perhaps it was the fear of being rejected. He was dating so many other girls and I felt that I wouldn't be enough for him. I was too afraid so I kept quiet. Silent. And watched him, hated him, despised him.

Do I still hate him?

She'd been pondering on that. She thought she still hated him. Why wouldn't she hate him? He's broken so many hearts. He was a player. He had always been a player. For the things he's done, she should hate him.

Then why does my heart race for him?

She shook her head. This was too much. She just wanted a peaceful sleep. Was that too much to ask for? She closed her eyes and a younger image of Radhika and Krish appeared, playing with sand. They were building a sand castle and they were all smiles. No hate. No worry. No sadness. Nothing.

So many thoughts, so many questions wishing to be answered. She sighed yet again. She felt uncomfortable, really uncomfortable. Part of her wanted to talk to Krish about it but another part seemed to completely hate the idea and wished to stay as far away from Krish as much as she could.

How do I sort out my feelings?

Someone needs to write a book on that. Radhika chuckled. The silly thought amused her. Then she continued to ponder on how she is really going to sort out her life when her heart was so confused, when all she had was a mess of feelings, unable to choose one.

What is the best decision?

Another good question. If only she could find the answer to it. She racked her brain probably much more than she needed to. Obsessing over such a simple thing, but it seemed like an enormous problem to her, wasn't normal or healthy. She'd been shifting around in her bed, doing nothin but thinking. So much to the point where her head began to hurt.

Maybe...maybe just not talking to him is the best idea. Yes. I'll just try my best to avoid conversations with him until I can finally get a hold of what I'm feeling for him.

So, she attempted to sleep with that thought as the only thing in her mind. Stay away from Krish. That's all. Nothing hard.

Oh, how much more harder it was than she thought.

{ ~ }

"Hmm, Radhika's gotten quite the glow up, right?" Tanya said as she peered at her phone, trying to start a conversation through the quiet car ride.

It was a daily occurrence at this point. Krish dropped Tanya at her office daily, and the drives ranged from quiet, peaceful to annoying voice repeated again, and again, and again to the point where I want to push her out of the car. Don't take it wrong, Krish loved her, he really did. But sometimes, she got a little—no, actually not a little, quite annoying. Sometimes it was the whine that she used as she persuaded him to compliment her, sometimes it was just everything.