My 1D complicated life

sometimes misunderstandings can hurt (pt.1)

I finally reached the park. I’m scared of what might happen. What if he hates me? Does he not want to be my friend? Is this him telling me that he doesn’t want to see me again?

After my fears being in my head of what might be my ultimate future I decided to text him because after all this walking I can’t seem to find him.

Me: hey, where exactly are you?

 But after thinking, I seriously don’t know what to do. My feelings are so mixed up right now, I mean I know I have feelings for Zayn, but what scares me most is that I still have feelings for Harry. I’m seriously messed up in the head right now. What pisses me off most about Zayn is that he gives me these mixed signals that he might like me including the part where he tried to kiss me but yet he has a girlfriend. But he was there when I completely broke down that day Niall and I had gotten into that fight. The same for harry (except the girlfriend part.) but what is different with harry is that we had history. We loved each other. Or well so I thought. And here he is pretending that he never knew me and it breaks my heart. Your probably thinking… why aren’t you confronting him about it? To be honest… I don’t even know myself. I think I’m just afraid of what he might say to me. The truth will hurt me, I just know it. I thought that maybe if I just let this go everything will be okay. But each day it kills me even more. I know this is his way of telling me that he doesn’t want us to be together. And I don’t want to hear it coming from him, it will just pain me too much for me to handle. But what is bugging me the most is that if he doesn’t want us to be together by ignoring the situation… then why does he still talk to me? Like seriously are we even friends? but I defiantly know one thing for sure, Zayn is a better person than harry will ever be because I know he will never will put me through all the bullshit and tearful nights harry had put me through.

buzz…buzz…buzz

Bradfordbadboy: I’m near the pond.

After clearing my head, I walk up to the pond which I might add was a far walk to see him sitting on a bench looking out at the ducks swimming there. I sneak up and sit on the empty seat next to him. I just stare at the pond in front of me not even bothering to look at him. I was still mad at him for what he had done to me but I knew once I see his face I will forgive him and I don’t plan on doing it that easily. I could feel his gaze on me as I pretend to not notice.

After a few minutes of his intense glaring I had enough…

“Why did you invite me here Zayn?” I coldly say staring at him. He looks taken aback from my sudden cold state. But soon hides it with a serious look on his face.

“I-uhh wanted to personally apologize for my actions, and how I have treated you.  You didn’t deserve any of it. I was going through some hard times and-“

“But you had no right to take it out on me! I have hard times most of the time but do you see me taking it out on other people? I admit that I sometimes want too, but I have learned to control it.” I said interrupting him. I don’t know what had gotten into me but this sudden anger had risen up in me and I couldn’t stop myself from saying

“Why did you try to kiss me Zayn? Cause every night I re-thinked every moment of that day and I still don’t understand you, you could be so sweet and then the next you can be a complete douche. So please explain that to me, I would love to hear on what you have to say.” I tell him crossing my arms across my chest.

He looked completely shocked. I have never been this way towards anyone before, I just had enough of all this bullshit.

“If you must know…..” he said as he turned his head as he watched the pond in front of him “Perrie and I had broken up the day I invited you to spend the day with me.” Well, I seriously wasn’t expecting that to happen. But before I could stop myself from asking...

“Why did you break up?” I asked him letting my conscious take over me.

“The day I was supposed to have a date with her, I went into her studio and saw her making out with her music producer.” He said looking down at his hands.

“Oh.” Really riley? Just ‘oh’ ?

“But I was going to break up with her anyways, so I guess this was just a sign to just get it over with.” Zayn said as this fully had gotten my attention. I wanted to know why he wanted to break up with her but if I do then I will be all up in his business and I don’t want him to think I’m some sort of stalker or something. But the curiosity was killing me.

“I wanted to talk to you about what had happened that day, but when I was with you I had forgotten everything and was having a great time. Then when we went to eat, I guess I was just caught up in the moment of wanting to kiss you because of my recent break up with Perrie, it was a mistake and I’m sorry.”

 once he said those 7 agonizing, painful words it felt like every possible horrible feeling bursting inside me. I could feel the tears rising up in my eyes. But I took a deep breath and looked at Zayn who looked sad. It hurt me that he thought our kiss was a mistake, but I didn’t want this to ruin our friendship. No matter how much I hated to say this and wasn’t true I had to say it.

“Its fine Zayn, don’t worry about it. I understand. So… friends?”  I said as I put my hand in front of Zayn. Truth is I wasn’t fine and I don’t understand any of this. But for some reason saying the word ‘friend’ had made my stomach drop which felt like I was falling from the sky. Which was never ending.

He faintly smiled at me as if he didn’t want this. I was about to tell him that if he didn’t want to do this then that was just fine and let him be. Which in my mind I would regret ever saying in my life.

“friends.” He says to me he shook my hand.

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hello everyone! i know it has been so long and im so sorry!!!

this is just a teaser and (pt.1) but hope you all like it!

i want to discuss some 1D things cause i have no one else to say these things to soo.....

1) did you all see our boys on thee XFactor?!?! they were so beautiful!

2) did you guys see liam,harry,louis,and zayn's new tattoo?? one word... wow. i never would of thought our sweet, innocent liam would get some tattoo's! they are truly growing up

3) did you guys hear 'TakeMeHome' yet? well if not let me tell you this... amazing,incredibe,beautiful,tearful *3 hours later* and most of all just wonderful.

4)is it just me thinking this or is it that they could get from sexy , fudging hot to gorgeous,beautiul sex gods in just a year? just amaze balls :D

okay anyways, i will upload soon! bye my beautiful directioners!

-brybry Xxx