And You And I

Chapter 09: Seeing it as you really are

For the second Friday running, Kim Possible sat in a venue in the Middleton nightlife scene and felt completely alone. The only difference being that this week, several of her friends, including her best girl, Monique, were with her. The place was a student haven and one run by someone she had helped out a few years ago. So, naturally, she and her friends were being served without question. Glumly, Kim cast her eyes out across the crowded room. Two of the girls were out on the dancefloor with their boyfriends and attracting the attention of several envious onlookers, while the third stood laughing and joking at the bar with a guy she'd just met.

Despite her protests, she was wearing the short black dress and strappy heels Monique had picked out for her. She had not liked how much of her marred skin had been on display, so she had pulled on a pair of tights in order to hide her legs, much to her best girl's chagrin. However, she'd been forced to relent when it came to her hair, which had been put up in a complicated knot and makeup. It was not that she hated the outfit, it wouldn't be in her wardrobe if she did, it just made her feel somewhat self-conscious. And while part of the reason was to do with how many of her scars it revealed, it was also a trait that she'd noticed slowly developing any time she'd been out with her friends over the past year or so. In fact, it probably went as far back as her breakup with Ron. At first, she'd simply ignored it and then put it down to having had a bad breakup. But the longer it had gone on without any obvious cause, the more she'd tried to hide from it. Slowly becoming more conservative about what she wore to the point that she wouldn't normally go out in anything other than jeans and a shirt or t-shirt.

"Hey, girlfriend."

The sound of Monique's rather loud but chirpy voice rang in her ears and Kim jumped slightly. She felt a momentary flutter of panic as she spun around to see her best girl smiling at her. Get a grip, Kim, she said internally, however, her friend had rattled her slightly. Even in a busy place like this, people don't sneak up on me. I sneak up on other people. She had to take a breath before answering, "hey yourself."

"This place is really jumping, dontcha think?"

"Umm, yeah, it's great," Kim lied; she hated it. Hated the noise, the sheer volume of people, the fact most of them were already wasted and that she'd caught so many guys leering at her. And they were the ones who hadn't come over to hit on her. Those last two issues had only served to make her feel more awkward. Their eyes wouldn't linger and they certainly wouldn't hit on me if they saw me naked.

"Girl, you've been sitting here by yourself all night. You need to get out there, meet some people, maybe find a cute guy to talk to."

She sighed. Her friend meant well; she really did. In fact, eighteen months ago, had the roles been reversed, Kim would probably have been saying the exact same thing. So why did she feel like the two of them were now on completely different wavelengths? "Sorry, Mo, I guess I'm just not feeling it."

"Come on, Girl. Where's that old Kim Possible fire? You're supposed to be the girl that can do anything, remember?"

Kim gave her a weak smile, "yeah, that's me."

"Then get off that sexy booty of yours and come dance with me."

Before Kim could say no, Monique had grabbed her hands, dragged her to her feet and pulled her onto the dancefloor. Not wanting to cause a fuss, she half-heartedly danced along to the new song that the DJ started to play. When it finished, the look on her friend's face told her everything.

"Seriously, Girl, who took your mojo? The old Kim had rhythm, you got nada."

It was at the second time of hearing Monique say, 'old Kim,' that the pieces slowly started to slot into place inside her head; like she'd just uncovered the missing piece that had been eluding her for over a year. Freeing her hands, she quickly made an excuse about needing to go to the toilet and bolted; grabbing her bag from the table purely out of habit. She had to dodge around some guy spewing his guts up and swerve around a girl carrying a tray of drinks before she made it to the relative quiet of the restroom. Surprisingly, it was empty. She moved to stand in front of the mirror. The sight of herself all dolled up brought the whole jigsaw together inside her head. She looked exactly like herself... except from two years prior. This was the 'old Kim', not the person she was now. While she had not realised it at the time or even given the slightest thought to how it may change her, she'd effectively signed that Kim's death warrant the day she made the decision to become a fulltime hero. Before then, she'd always considered herself average girl first, teen hero second. Her everyday activities, school, cheer practice and friends being of greatest importance to her. But that day, when she'd stood up from her desk and turned her back on her stack of college acceptance letters, she'd flipped the equation on its head. Going on missions and saving the world had become her everyday, while everything else was now just something tacked on to her life. And standing here, looking at herself in the mirror like this, looking back at the person she had been before, she wouldn't change her decision if she could do it over again. She liked the new Kim Possible and could not help but feel so far removed from the girl in the reflection. The only problem was, no one understood the new Kim Possible. While her parents were still loving and supportive, they were still far more interested in the 'tacked on' parts of her life than her new everyday. As for her friends, they had continued on as normal, not understanding that she had changed. For them, a night like tonight in a noisy, alcohol-sloshed nightclub was fun and exciting, whereas she'd much rather ride a motorbike at break-neck speeds or jump out a plane and freefall for several thousand feet.