𝐥𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐳 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬

• drugs (ondreaz) •

"fuck." i said waking up from my sleep to my phone ringing next to me. it was my girlfriend—my sun. my everything. she gave me life. in this dark world she was my everything.

she was with me in the worst. i couldnt complain.

"baby-" i started.

i knew something was up when she her voice was shaky and she was breathing fast and heavy.

"i took the pills." i heard her say.

i got up as fast as possible and grabbed a hoodie and sweats and drove towards her apartment.

"why the fuck would you do that?!" i said upset. i knew i shouldn't scream at her. i wanted to calm down but i was so scared for her.

i wanted to scream at myself. why couldn't i just go to college? why couldn't i find a way to be successful and not as a drug dealer? why did it have to affect y/n?

she was high out of her mind. first shed feel a weird reaction and then shed get really high.

"why baby? why?"

"im so happy." she slurred. she couldn't even keep her eyes open correctly. "ondreaz im sooo happy."

i knew it was gonna be a long night. the affect wasn't gonna last more than two hours but she'd definitely be feeling a strong withdrawal.

2 hours later it was a mess. she was shaking, cold sweat, vomiting, crying, and she was still pretty out of it.

"make it stop." she said shaking as i tied her hair back for her.

"breathe with me my love, i don't want you to hyperventilate." i said and helped her to copy my breathing.

it wasn't till 8 am that she fell asleep. i knew she had taken drugs before but i told her to not take these. these were too strong. i knew i shouldn'nt have encouraged her to do anything in general. i should've just stopped her.

i couldn't help but think it was all my fault.

yes the withdrawal was bad. but the addiction was worse.

i wish i could say this was a one time thing. i couldnt tell you how many times this has happened. and sure, there were the high nights. tonight was one of the worst, it was the overdose.

you might be thinking, why didnt i stop her? because it hurt me too much. you dont know how hard it is to see her withdrawling. sometimes i prayed that shed casually choose to let go.

it was all my fault.

here i sat, in a hospital waiting room. i knew her family would arrive soon and question everything, i knew the doctors would ask where she got the drugs.

"ondreaz! wheres my baby?!" said her mom bursting through the doors.

"shes getting checked right now, shes awake." i said trying to hold back my tears and nerves.

"what happened?" asked her dad.

they were amazing people. i felt like i failed them.

"i-im sorry." i said and started crying.

her mom hugged me. she was an understanding woman. theyd kill me if they knew this was all my fault.

***

she was officially awake. it was an obvious answer that she was taking drugs and she was gonna be sent to rehab. i hated that she didnt rat me out, i deserved jail. i deserved to take some pain.

i was allowed to see her one last time until she weny to 3 weeks of rehab.

i walked into the room. it smelled horrible. it smelled like vomit and rubbing alcohol. she was shaking harder than ever. she wasnt crying anymore. she looked hopeless and desperate.

"hey." i said putting down some roses on the bed.

"hi." she said pulling her knees up to her chest.

"how you feeling?"

   "i need you to help me."

i knew it wasnt help as in put her hair up, it help as in help her feed her addiction.

"no more." i said. "im gonna find an actual job, im done with that."

her shaky hand played with her hair. i could hear her teeth gritting in order to not shiver.

  "dre, baby, this isnt a game. i feel like im fucking dying. i need something—anything."

i took a deep breath.

"no more. i cant see you like this. you arent dying my love, youre recovering."

   "fuck you." she mumbled yet i could make out what she said.

i knew shed be upset. id rather her be upset than be addicted. i was not giving in anymore. for her. if i had to go find a job selling dish soap i would.

"baby-"
   
  "dont baby me! this is your fucking fault! this back pain is your fucking fault! the fact that im dying is youre fault!" she said shaking harder in a desperate tone. "were all fucking dying! do you think im getting younger? fucking help me! help me." she cried.

tear were going down her cheeks. i needed to be strong.

  "please. i just need a little bit. i promise."

"no...i cant." i said. i got closer to her and hugged her. "you got this i promise. i have never broken a promise. i love you."

***

it had be around a month. i got a job as an assistant to this guy with a good company. it paid really good, almost as good as selling drugs . i wish i would've chosen this before drugs. before making stupid choices.

i found myself in the bus stop where id see y/n after too long. it was the longest we'd ever been apart.

i saw her get off the bus. her parents were still a bit disappointed so theyd meet when they felt ready.

"ondreaz!" she yelled.

i hadn't seen her face so vibrant in almost a year, her smile so bright. her eyes. it seemed as if everything was gray and pale before.

  "you look amazing." i smiled and she looked up at me unsure.

"i love you too."

  "i lo-"

"before i left to rehab, you told me you loved me and i didnt say it back. now im back. this is it baby. im done, forever. i dont even wanna take an advil."

"wow. youre gonna make me cry. im so proud of you."

"me too. now...lets go eat."

  "wherever you want."

"the only pill im taking ever is birth control. so just remember.." she smirked.