All The Small Things

135

[Luca POV]

The next morning, after I had gotten ready for work, Jacob asked if I could wear it to work without losing it.
"I-I don't wanna lose it," I timidly said, taking a pause from putting my shoes on.
"Luca, I really didn't mean to scare you out of wearing it," Jacob said, seeming entirely sincere.
"I can go drop it off at the jewlers to have them resize it on my break. Okay?" He suggested. I agreed instantly because I really liked the ring, but I genuinely didn't wanna lose it while I'm cleaning tables or running food.

The day we were supposed to go pick it up, Jacob and I made plans to go see his family. We were gonna get ready, leave for his mom's house, and then pick it up on the way there. I wanted to look nice, but I couldn't find any nice pants that weren't jeans. And I couldn't wear shorts when it's 30 something degrees outside. I had to just settle on jeans, which were currently the worst sounding idea right now.

"Noooo!" I whined to myself, resting my head on the top of my dresser. I tried to talk myself into just doing it, but I couldn't.
"Luca, what are you doing?" Jacob asked as he walked into the bedroom. I shrugged and felt him stand beside me, his right leg pressing against my left.
"I don't wanna wear jeans!" I exclaimed, lifting my head to look at him.
"You don't have any other pants?" He asked.
"Not unless they're pajamas or sweatpants," I explained, suddenly feeling very clingy. I want him to hold me and carry me and kiss me. I wanna bite him. I know that's weird, but I looked it up, and a lot of people said it was 'oral stimming' to chew on things just because.
"Let me see if there are some that's big on you," He suggested, sitting in front of my half of the dresser. I sat down right next to him, laying my head against on his shoulder while he dug through.

Before he had a chance to find me a pair of pants, my phone started ringing. I groaned when I saw it was my momma and thought about not picking up. But I knew she'd just be mad if I did that. I picked it up off my lap, pressed the answer button, and turned it on speaker.
"Luca, guess what," She said, sounding excited. She was too excited for a hello, I guess.
"What, Momma?" I half-heartedly asked.
"Your younger sister is having a music recital tonight. You need to go. You haven't seen her in years," she announced. I honestly forget I have a younger sister since she went with my dad when my parents got divorced. She was probably 2 when I was 10, meaning she's 13 or so now.
"What time?" I asked, debating on if I should tell her I'm busy tonight.
"In an hour," She said casually, as if she didn't just tell me to show up with barely any notice.

"Okay... Is it at the middle school?" I asked, hoping she'd stop talking after she answered that question.
"Obviously. Where the fuck else would it be at? God, you're so stupid sometimes. You act like I didn't teach you a goddamn thing," She berated me. I just took it.
"Bye, Momma," I mumbled, hanging up without letting her say anything else.
"I didn't know you had a sister," Jacob commented, genuinely confused.
"Yeah, she lives with my dad and has basically her whole life. I don't see her a lot," I briefly explained.
"Since it's at 5, we could pick up the ring, go to her school and watch her, and then go to my moms. If that sounds fine," Jacob suggested.
"Sure," I agreed. I don't want to sound mean or anything, but I don't want to go. I don't want to deal with my mom more than anything. But I know I have to.

Jacob pulled into the school's parking lot, parked beside my dad's car, and unlocked the doors before kissing my cheek. I don't know why, but today I wasn't sad about what my momma was saying to me. I was angry. We already decided that Jacob would just wait out here for me and meet my sister when she comes outside to go home with my dad. When I got out, I shut the door a little harder than needed. I got a visitor sticker at the front desk and went to the gym, where it was being held. Lila plays flute, which my mom always brags about. Even though she had no imput on Lila and her choice of instrument. It's probably some band recital. I opened the gymnasium doors and started searching for my mom in the bleachers.

Fuck, there's so many people. I started with the bottom rows and scanned each row going up. She was relatively close to the hardwood floors, on the end of the third row and right next to my dad. I took a bigger breath to try and calm myself before climbing the steps and sitting between her and my dad. It only took a couple of minutes for the music to start. Turns out, Lila had about 15 seconds where it was only her playing. And she was good; I'm not arguing that. She was really good. What stung was when my mom started praising her before the entire production wasn't even over. It finished, and everyone clapped for them, myself included.
As band members got up and went to meet up with their families, my momma stood up. So did I. I followed her carefully down the bleachers. I ignored how gross I felt with my dad right behind me and as close as he was. We got onto the floor, Lila running over to my parents when she spotted them. She noticed me but didn't say anything.

"Lila, you are so unbelievably talented! Baby, I knew you were gonna do so good today. Nobody else's performance was even comparable to yours -" my mom continued to compliment and praise her, but I couldn't focus on that. I had this mix of rage, sadness, and envy inside me. Why the fuck can't she ever be proud of me, even if it's just a percent of what she is for Lila. Even when I did above average anything, it didn't matter. But the second it's Lila, she may as well have been Jesus.
"Congrats," I told Lila, doing my best to mask the negative feelings I had burning inside me.
"Luca, quit being jealous of a thirteen year old. You are incapable of being happy for other people," my mom loudly snapped at me.
"I'm leaving. Have a great fucking night, Mom," I spat at them, turning and walking outside the entire school.

I was still just as mad when I got out to the parking lot, but when I saw my mom's car, I felt another wave of anger. I kicked her headlight out without a second thought.
"Fuck!" I screamed before pulling the truck door open and getting in.
"Luca, what the hell -" Jacob started.
"I don't wanna talk about it," I quickly said, trying to buckle myself in. I started crying hard. So, in a matter of seconds, I couldn't see what I was doing.
"Dammit!" I yelled, giving up when I couldn't get it and roughly setting my phone down on the dashboard. I heard the truck start and felt Jacob start driving, so I covered my eyes and continued to cry.

"Baby," He softly said, pulling to the side of the road. We had only been driving for a few minutes. "What happened?"
"It's not fair!" I exclaimed, sadness becoming more prominent than the anger. "It is not fair that she only says nice things to Lila!" I couldn't help how jealous it sounded. I was jealous! Why the fuck can't she do that for me even just occasionally?
"It's not fair, but that's how she is. Baby, she's not changing," Jacob bluntly told me. I felt emotionally exhausted, so when Jacob moved his seat back and pulled me into his lap, I didn't fight it. I loudly sobbed into his shoulder while clinging onto him. He just let the radio keep playing while he rubbed my back and kissed my head.

I shakily pulled away, wiping my eyes and sniffling. I had been crying like that for at least 10 minutes.
"You're so sweet, baby. I know it hurts when she does this, but maybe it's better to just cut her off. She's not good for you," Jacob whispered. I nodded a little, not meeting his eyes.
"You're always so pretty. You're smart and kind and funny and caring. You're my perfect fiancé," He gently complimented me. "I love you, Bubba,"
"I love you, too," I said, letting him kiss me one last time before sitting back in the passenger seat.