All The Small Things

143

Luca POV
I didn't know Jacob was mad at me when he came home, so the second he got back, I was clinging to him. He told me not to touch him, and I was really confused. I didn't know he was mad at me, so I asked why. But then he yelled at me that 'he didn't want me on him when he was late because of me,'. I normally would've cried and apologized, but Mason was there too when he yelled at me, so it was worse than normal. I didn't want Mason to see me crying like I always do when someone I love gets upset with me. It's way worse than when someone I couldn't care less about gets mad. I feel like they hate me all of a sudden. That I have nobody else who cares about me. That I lost my entire purpose in life.

I didn't hear Mason knock, so when the door opened, I couldn't help but hope it was Jacob. And when it wasn't I was sorta disappointed.
"Are you okay?" He asked. I rubbed my eyes and nodded, pulling up the hem of my shirt and wiping my nose.
"Jacob was just being a dick, I doubt he was trying to hurt your feelings," Mason told me, sitting next to me on the bed. I knew he was trying to make me feel better, but I didn't wanna talk shit about Jacob. Without even really thinking about it, I grabbed my cigarettes and lighter from the nightstand Jacob never gets into, and opened the window.
"You smoke?" Mason asked, genuinely surprised. I nodded and opened the pack, sorta groaning when I saw I had like four left.
"I'm kinda trying to quit, but I just can't make myself get rid of them. I know that sounds crazy," I explained, kinda laughing before putting one between my lips and lighting it.
"I know what you mean," Mason said, shrugging. I pulled my hood up because it was comforting in a super strange way, but my hair was clearly visible inside it because of the vibrant color.
"You actually don't look that bad crying," He tried to compliment me, making me smile as I took a drag.
"Is your mom picking you up?" I asked, struggling to converse.
"Yeah, she said it won't take long since she's already in town. I should probably go get my shoes on, though," he realized halfway through the sentence.

I laid on the bed and finished my first cigarette, debating whether or not I should smoke a second one when the front door opened. I hoped it was just Mason being picked up rather than Jacob leaving. I put back the package after telling myself I really should be serious about quitting. It didn't take long for Jacob to open the bedroom door and shut the window for me.
"Sorry..." I quietly apologized, pulling my knees up to my chest. He sat next to me and was just quiet for a second.
"I'm sorry, Luca. I know I shouldn't have yelled at you. Today at work wasn't great, but I never should've come home and told you off," He apologized to me, pulling me into his lap with my back to the rest of the room. I started crying again and tried to force myself to stop.
"You can cry, baby," He reassured me, kissing my cheek.

That next week, I had an appointment with Justin again. He kept pushing me to talk about Kayden and what happened with him.
"Was it ever reported?" He asked.
"Yeah," I quietly lied, instantly wanting to fucking kill myself. I don't like lying to him, but I don't wanna talk to officers and be told it didn't happen. If Jacob weren't there that night, I doubt anyone would believe me. I doubt my momma does even with Jacob having been there.
"What happened that night?" Justin asked.
"I don't wanna talk about it," I tried to tell him.
"You're gonna have to at some point to move past it," he reminded me, "Why not just get it over with?" The way he asked made me doubt myself.
"I can't," I mumbled, picking at my lips. I didn't have chapstick and couldn't leave them alone.
"Why not? I think you just don't want to tell me," he suggested, upsetting me enough I couldn't help but be a little mean.
"Yeah, you get assaulted by your boyfriend who was a literal police officer and then him be so confident he won't get in trouble that he admits it to you, and your new partner, and shows up at your fucking door every few weeks or your work to hold it over your head. You do that and then having the fucking audacity to tell me I just don't feel like talking about it," I suggested, getting more and more angry the longer my sentence went on.
"If you want to, you're free to leave," Justin said.
"Are you just going to ask me about Kayden?" I asked, ready to get up.
"No," He shortly answered.
"Then I'm fine," I replied, leaning back against the chair.