Heartbreak Weather | Niall Horan

28

3 Months Later

I left London and it's probably for good this time.

When the time came that I was supposed to go back, I did. I went back to London, packed up as much of my belongings as I could, and flew back to France with no plans of going back.

London wasn't my home anymore. In all honesty, it never was. I moved there because I felt like I had to. I lived alone in my apartment, with only one friend who left the city with hardly any notice. I had a job I hated. I'm surprised I stayed as long as I did.

The timing was almost perfect, too. I had nothing holding me back from leaving London. I quit my job, Celina's always gone, and Niall and I aren't together anymore. There's nothing in London for me anymore.

The apartment I once viewed as my dream place, now sits practically empty in the midst of London. Only my furniture and the rest of the things I couldn't fit on the plane remain unused in my unoccupied apartment. I technically still own the place, at least until my lease is up at the end of the year. Paying for my rent ahead of time was such a stupid idea, and now I live with the consequnce of owning an apartment I have no intention of living in.

A lot of my favorite clothing items and some of my makeup are still in Niall's apartment. With us not being together and him not being there, I didn't feel comfortable being in his apartment without him. I know the exact spot my sundress from San Francisco is hanging in his closet and I know exactly what drawer in the bathroom has my makeup. And I don't know if I'll even get them back.

My purple bedroom that sat untouched for years now looks like a disaster area. Clothes are strewn across the room, imitating once organized piles of clothes I want to keep and the ones I want to get rid of. My bed set doesn't match, I've ripped down all my wall decor, and my once matching and organized room is a giant mess.

Mum thinks I'm going through some pre-midlife crisis. I think I just needed a change.

And me destroying my room for a sense of change is ten times better than me destroying my hair like Celina would have done.

Somehow, I managed to convince my mother to let me take in one of the stray kittens from the garden. What a mistake that was. He's the most ornery little thing I've ever seen. I never would have expected it, he's the cutest little thing. His orange fur and yellow eyes are so adorable they draw in his unsuspecting victims. Mum insisted we name him Oliver after the movie "Oliver and Company" but I think the name Lucifer is better suited for him. He's only ever mean to me, and I'm the one who suggested we keep him. He chews up my charging cords, scratches up my furniture, and rips up my clothes. It's never my mother's things that he destroys, it's only ever mine. And then, the little bastard runs to my mother for protection.

I should have left him in the garden for the winter.

The holidays have come and gone, and it was just Mum and I, with the exception of having a small gift exchange with my hometown friends. Celina calls every now and then, but she seems occupied with her other friends.

My life feels almost exactly how it had been before I ever moved to London. Besides the gaping hole in my heart and this feeling of emptiness that I get when I'm alone. I used to like being alone and the peacefulness that came with it, but now I find that I'm the most vulnerable when I'm all alone.

I haven't heard from him since a few days after we broke up. He's been back for nearly three months and neither of us have made an effort to speak to one another. There's no point, honestly. He leaves for his world tour in a few months and we'll be right back to where we are now. It's pointless to put ourselves through that all over again. And then, by the time he gets back, I reckon we'll both have moved on.

It's absolutely pointless.

To my surprise, Shawn and I have actually kept in touch. We talk at least every couple days and he's said that once he gets everything for his album finalized he wants to come to visit France. I was shocked when he first called me, I expected him to grill me about what happened, but he never mentioned it. He still hasn't said a word about it, but surely he knows. Right?

Regardless if he does or not, it's nice to have a small sense of familiarity. Ever since Shawn had planned my surprise trip to Los Angeles, our friendship had gotten stronger. It's comforting to know that our friendship is still the same as it was before.

Mum gave me a job at the boutique. I'm sure it was out of pity since I hadn't left the house in over a week. I never wanted to work in retail, but here I am. I spend my days folding clothes, working the register, and packaging orders. Mum doesn't get too many customers, most people make online orders. A lot of the instore customers are my mother's friends, many of them have known me my whole life. I get the same comments practically all day.

"I haven't seen you since you were a little girl!"

"Oh my! Look how grown up you are!"

"Béatrice? Is that you?"

Soleil sits behind the registers, snickering to herself, while people I haven't seen since I was at least eighteen, make a fuss about seeing me again. It's kind of nice, honestly. It's just part of getting my life back to how it was before I left. Hopefully, by the time my birthday rolls around, it'll be like I never even left.

Deep down I know that I'll never be the same Béa I was when I left. I don't want to be that version of myself. And I know that I can't just act like the last four years of my life didn't exist. I left France because I felt out of place here, and that was the same reason I left London.

What if France doesn't doesn't feel like home again?

What if my home is 1,000 miles away in London getting ready for his first world tour?

I'm so sorry for the short chapter. This was honestly just a filler chapter.

Also, I'm sorry for the long wait for this chapter. Some of y'all know this but last week was the worst week of my life and this week hasn't been great either. I'm trying my best to get chapters out as quickly as possible.

That being said, these next chapters are going to be a lot for me to write so I'm going to try my hardest to get them out as soon as possible. I'll give you two words: Small Talk. So, do with that what you will.

Thank you so much for all the support! I love y'all so much! Until the next one, MWAH!!

UPDATE: If you are wondering about the when the next chapter will be up, please check my message board. I've explained everything there.