Heart of a rogue

Chapter 10 - Death Row

Today I started my day with painting and we received a very clear assignment...

Paint your life before we went astray and while you were astray. Astray was their way of saying, rogue.

I didn't even think much about it but let the brush take it over from me. I didn't even realize I had been painting for an hour when the teacher asked us to put our brushes down and explain our work. "Who wants to go first?" The teacher asked. Her name was Suzan, she was in her forties or something.

No one took the lead, hell, even I didn't. I looked at my painting at didn't even know what I had painted exactly. But then Suzan started calling names, she called Mia first.

Mia hesitantly turned her painting around and showed light colors with a dark figure in the middle watching the light. "Eh." Started hesitantly, "I drew the process of being astray... I was in a dark place, but my surroundings were quite light. I felt so relieved when I didn't have the pressure of my pack anymore but..."

She pointed to dark lines creeping up on the figure she had painted, "I soon found out life without that pressure wasn't all that nice but mainly hard. I made good friends but I found out I had more than I thought."

She sniffles a little and some started clapping, even I did. It was nicely told. She looked my way and saw me clapping which made her smile slightly. I still was furious at her for betraying me and somehow that anger remained. It's not like they wouldn't find out my name anyway, Declan would have recognized me instantly. I just clung to that outrage.

Declan called me unstable, especially my anger, and I started to understand what he meant. I knew going rogue had its downsides, but looking at my painting... My life before was a downside and I still considered life outside these fences freedom.

A few more had a turn at explaining their painting and Belle also explained it shortly. She hadn't put any effort in and just painted a forest.  She explained that trees meant life and being a rogue also meant living. In other words, she found this exercise bullshit and also wanted to go back to freedom.

It made Suzan quite disappointed and made me snicker a little. It was then my turn, "unlike Belle, I did put in the effort." I started which made Belle raise her middle finger at me. She also laughed a little.

I explained how the dark black line separated my views. The darker side explained how I felt as a child and teenager. I felt pressured, unwanted, insecure, weak, and lonely. But then after I ran everything became much brighter. I was completely honest with this exercise.

I found my purpose wasn't being a beta or Luna, I found out my purpose was myself. I only need myself to survive. It was my freedom.

Everyone listened quietly but in the end, Suzan didn't seem pleased at all. "What was the purpose of this exercise, Lucille?"

My eyebrows raised, "I've said before I want to be called Lucy." I said.

She didn't reply to me and shook her head. "The purpose of this exercise was to realize the consequences of your abandonment for you and your pack. " She answered sternly.

"Consequences?" I repeated, "I don't quite see one, my life was fine out there."

She sighed, "how about those you left behind?"

I didn't care about them and rolled my eyes. "My brother never stuck up for me, he didn't care he was younger and assigned a higher role just because he was a male. He didn't care when my father shouted at me to act like a proper girl. No one cared when my mother forced me to wear certain attire to her liking or make me sit at a desk for hours writing until my blisters had blisters."