Burnt Out (Hawks X Reader)

Chapter 20: Who's She?

I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna fucking do it.

I'm gonna confess.

Oh my god I'm scared.

You know, maybe I shouldn't do this.

I mean, what's the worst that could happen if I don't tell him?

I could just sit by the side and suffer while I watch him and his possible future girlfriend get married. While I'm at the wedding as a "close friend".

Or I could also watch while he keeps asking me for advice about this girl he met at a bar.

Or a girl he had a one night stand with and fell head over heels for.

Okay, now I'm just overthinking and freaking myself out. Stop it brain.

Oooooooh my god I'm so scared. Talking with Toga about this in no way helped me prepare for this moment.

She said it would be easy!

Ahhh I just wanna die and sob uncontrollably for a few days.

I don't wanna do this.

But I already sent him the message so I have to do it before dinner.

Oh my god I regret everything.

Crap he responded. That means he read the fucking text.

Ahhhh, calm down, Y/n. It's okay to internally sob for a few hours before he gets here.

But that's also a few hours to rethink every decision I've made leading up to this point.

I don't even want to look at the message he sent in response to mine.

Jesus, he's miles away from me for all I know and my heart is beating like crazy.

My chest hurts man.

I'm not sure how much more of this emotion stuff I can do without dying.

From a fucking beating heart.

The thing that's supposed to keep you alive.

After finally gathering the courage to look at the text, I grabbed my phone and quickly glanced at it.

See you then

Noooooo this just made everything more real.

Why do I have to do this?

My chest is hurting so much right now. I feel cold suddenly. You know, I might just go lay in bed and pretend to be sick and say I can't play the song for him.

Yeah, that'll work.

Haha nooooo I can't do hat. I've come this far without dying.

But my chest fucking hurts.

What if he rejects me? Or worse what if he rejects me and doesn't want to be my friend anymore?

No no no no. I need to stop it before I actually die.

I saw Keigo enter through the skylight.

Crap, he's back already?

Why did I decide to sit on the couch? I could've stayed in my room and sobbed in there, but noooo. I had to be out here.

Where he could see me freaking out.

"Woah, songbird, are you alright?" he asked, quickly walking around the couch and kneeling down in front of me. "Hey, take deep breaths."

His words didn't help me calm down like they normally do. Instead, my heart and head decided to gang up against me and go into full panic mode, making a few unwanted tears slip out of my eyes.

I could feel my heart beating against my rib cage—like actually feel. My brain was running a million miles a second with thoughts of rejection, and I could barely hear anything over the sound of my erratic heartbeat.

"Songbird, please calm down," Keigo's muffled voice said. I looked at his worried face, only to have my eyes fill with tears as I hugged him closer to me.

He immediately returned the hug, rubbing a soothing hand up and down my back. I cried into his shoulder, embarrassed about the reason I'm having this panic attack.

I broke down, trying to stop the tears from flowing while not caring about it at the same time. Keigo kept rubbing my back, muttering nice things in my ear to help me calm down. When he ran out of things to say, he stayed quiet and opted for playing with my hair.

"Please don't leave me," I mumbled when I could finally form coherent words. Part of me didn't want him to hear, but the other part did, and I think that's the part that eventually won this small battle.

Keigo abruptly stopped playing with my hair, letting his hands fall to my side. I still hadn't pulled away from him, keeping him in my tight embrace, almost afraid he would disappear if I let go.

"Why would I leave you?" he asked, gently pushing me away so he could see my face. I didn't let him, though. I kept my head down, not letting him see the state I was in.

Keigo placed his hand on my chin, gently lifting my face so he could see me in all my sobbing glory.

"I'm not gonna leave you, Y/n," he said. "You're just over thinking and freaking yourself out. I'm not just going to walk out on you—you're my best friend."

Friend.

And here comes another round of tears.

Why must I be so damn sensitive.

"Hey, it's alright. I'm not going anywhere."

He kept talking to me until I finally calmed down a little. Then we ended up talking for a bit, waiting until it was time for dinner.

I was dreading it, but Keigo had told me he was excited to hear my new song.

I'm nervous.

Actually, no. Nervous doesn't even begin describing what I'm feeling.

I kinda just want to die without dying, you know?

Dinner came sooner than I wanted it to.

Lord, or whatever being is up there, please, DO SOMETHING.

I'm gonna die.

"So, I invited someone over before you told me you had a song ready," Keigo said as we were setting up the small table. "I've been wanting you to meet them for a while, and today's the only day they have off of work where you're not doing something."

"Oh." Jesus, this isn't what I asked for. Now I have to confess to him while someone else is watching. "Yeah, that's fine."

No. No it's not. Why did I say that.

Oh my god, I'm a disappointment to myself and others.

I would sell my soul to a fucking triangle if I had to. Just to take back those words.

"You sure? I know how you feel about sharing your music with people you're not necessarily close with."

"Of course," I responded, forcing a smile. "I don't mind. Besides, I get more opinions."

And I've become the world's biggest idiot. Yay, me. Where's my prize.

The doorbell rang, signaling that Keigo's guest had arrived.

"I'll get it," he said, quickly placing the cups he was holding down. "Why don't you set up what you need to while I bring them in."

I quickly nodded, giving him a small thumbs up before disappearing to my room to grab my keyboard. When I had walked back out, I almost dropped it.

"Who's she?" I asked.