Burnt Out (Hawks X Reader)

Chapter 32: Emotions Can Fuck Off

I decided to take the risk of being seen by Keigo.

And by that I mean I unintentionally opened the door too violently, making it slam against the wall.

It alarmed both Keigo and Hezā, making them pause the movie they were watching and turn around.

Allergy season must have something against me, because they chose this exact moment to attack me. My eyes watered, giving off the illusion that I was about to cry.

"Just, I'm not even here," I said, waving my hand around to gesture to myself. "Carry on. Ima go panic in my room."

"Y/n, are you alright?" Keigo asked. He went to stand, only to be stopped by Hezā who slowly shook her head and stood up herself.

"I'm all good," I said. "Very Gucci, moi fuego, perfectly fine, all of the above." I slowly started making my way towards my room, hoping they wouldn't notice my slow movement. "Just give me like five minutes to scream and I'll shut up."

I sprinted to my room and slammed the door behind me. The slam was followed by flopping onto my bed face first and screaming into my pillow, then continuing to scream, "EMOTIONS FUCKING SUCK," before screaming into my pillow yet again.

Lots of anger and emotions that need to be expressed, and the only way to express them is by screaming at the top of my lungs.

When I decided I was done screaming, I turned to my escape from reality, Tik Tok.

Except, with my amazingly beautiful luck, everything on my FYP was something couple related.

Literally why does the universe hate me so much. Why are the odds never in my favor. Just. Why.

That was the last straw for me. I sat up, throwing my phone across the room and aiming for the door.

Except the door was opened by Hezā before it made contact.

She dodged and watched as my phone crashed into the wall across my room, falling to the ground.

She turned her head to me, her eyes widened slightly as she slowly closed the door behind her. "So that happened," she said, walking over to my bed and sitting down. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I snapped. I didn't mean to sound so rude, it just came out like that.

"I have a hard time believing that." Hezā adjusted herself on my bed, crossing her legs and facing her body to mine. "You stormed into the apartment, came to your room, screamed, yelled 'emotions fucking suck', and screamed again. Then you threw your phone out the door." She quickly glanced at said door then turned her head back to me. "Something is clearly wrong."

I didn't want to say anything, but at the same time I did. My friendship with Hezā is one of the best things that's ever happened to me, and I don't want to absolutely destroy it in two seconds after I tell her everything ranging from my feelings toward Keigo to . . . certain confession. But at the same time I did want to say something. I wanted to tell her everything. Maybe I could get some actually decent advice from her. I mean, she is a couples counselor.

"Did something happen with Ribaundo?" she finally asked after sitting silence for a minute or two.

I shook my head, lifting it up from the pillow to look at her. "It's someone else."

"And who is this someone else?"

I shook my head again. It took so much out of me to not tell her. Hezā's someone people easily trust, and with spending as much time together as we have, I trust her with almost everything.

"I can't tell you," I finally whispered. "It'll mess everything up."

Hezā nodded, flopping around and adjusting herself on my bed so she was lying on her stomach next to me. "Does this someone else happen to be Keigo?" She asked once she got comfortable.