I'm not a puppy! (age regression)

11. Ben's House

*Warning, lotta swearing, misgendering and violence in this chapter*

Who the fuck does Andrew think he is? Telling me what to do, I'm 17 for fucks sake, I can do what I want.

I reassured myself as I sat on the kitchen ground alone. Andrews calm spoken words rung in my head and a horrible feeling settled in my stomach.
'You look exhausted'
'I'm responsible for you'
'I know you're better than speaking to me like that'
The fuck does he know?
I clenched my fists till my knuckles turned white and my teeth grinded against eachother as tears stung my eyes.

I could feel my heart in my throat, frustration and anger coursed through me, as well as that horrible feeling of guilt. I let out a pathetic sounding scream and grabbed at my hair as I tried to stop.

The dull feeling in my arm receded and was replaced by its usual aches. I took a breath of relief and wiped stupid tears from my eyes, taking a look around the kitchen. It was a mess.

I didn't know what else to do, there was so much emotion in my head I couldn't stop myself.

After Andrew left I just couldn't think clearly, something came over me like I couldn't control myself. A dull pain in my arm, spine and head drove me on as I wrecked the kitchen.

I had thrown everything out on the counter down, I opened up any cabinets I could reach and tore it all out. Mostly pots and pans and cleaning stuff. The washing up liquid spilled out on floor and I slipped, it all soaking into my jeans. It felt disgusting and made me more upset.

That's when I started kicking things, pulling out the chairs and using all of my weight to upturn them. I was just so angry.

And so I sat on the kitchen floor, trying my best to calm down. I've never done something like this. I've gotten angry before, but this was different, i felt so separated from myself. I was going off of pure emotion, there were no thoughts in my head, just frustration and anger.

It made me feel like shit, the guilt over wrecking Andrews kitchen, the feeling of no control. I just hated it all.

And what would Andrew say when he saw this? He's probably gonna kick me out, it's not like I was gonna stay here forever but... I don't know. Its nice sometimes.

I let out a shuddery breath and made a decision.

I need to see Ben again.

Maybe I could stay there or something. I just didn't wanna see Andrew, or see him see the mess I made. I don't know.

I stood and peeped my head out into the hallway. Andrew was probably up in his office. I snuck over to the front door and grabbed the handle. Having a little flashback to the night I tried to sneak out to buy pullups.

He was so nice to me...

No! There's no way I'm letting myself think like that over just a guy whose house I'm crashing at. That's all he is.

As I turned the handle, that stupid little part of my head started screaming not to go, to think about Andi. He was good, he had been so nice, he wouldn't be mad, just go to him, don't leave.

Often times I felt odd around Andrew, felt things I've never really felt before. Something in me just said I could trust him, that he was a necessary part of me. And that something in me was being horribly loud in that moment.

Fresh tears rolled down my face once I opened the door. My mind wailed and cried, I forced the feelings down and walked out of the house.

I walked for ages, I forgot bens place was on the other side of town. My legs ached and the god damn washing up liquid was making them chaff and my skin all itchy.