Drifting Thoughts

~school and other things~

today i was walking away from the cafeteria (after being dropped off from, well, technically the Career Center where i take a class but also technically a middle school...it's a weird situation), with, well, i guess a friend who also takes that class. 

i hear this teacher say, "hey, girls," and i don't immediately turn around. 

he says it again, so i do. 

he asks where we're going (which, for the record, never has happened before). 

i tell him: "i just got back to the career center. i'm just going to art club."

of course he doesn't hear me. 

which happens a lot. 

i'm a pretty quiet person. well. sometimes. in certain situations, anyway. 

so without even thinking about it, i roll my eyes, because i don't like repeating myself (and i feel like lately I've just been annoyed at lots of things). 

the guy says, "don't roll your eyes." 

and i say, "sorry," and then tell him i'm going to art club. 

he's like, okay. 

and as me and my friend are walking, i had a kind of realization. 

i realized that i switch between my different traits a lot. 

and i just found it kind of weird that, while usually at school i'm quiet, get good grades, doesn't cause trouble, etc. 

but sometimes my sarcastic, snarky self shows up. 

which is fine in certain classes, but i just remember being hit with just some weird emotion...embarrassment, i guess, and, i dont know what else. 

i've been thinking about it a lot. 

i do this a lot, you know. focus on stuff and don't let it leave my mind. 

i know i say things sometimes that are taken the wrong way, and things i don't mean...

those i think about a lot too. 

anyway, today i...

i really thought about how much time i have and how little i'm really doing with my life. 

i don't have a lot of homework (well, maybe i should study for a test coming up but i don't know, i tried earlier and it seems kinda pointless...), i don't have a job (i did apply to 2 places though), i don't hang out with friends, i have 1 club i go to weekly and a church thing...

but it's fine, i guess. 

i swear there were some other things i was thinking about earlier...

like, i really think i should publish this for people to see. 

but i've gotta give it a cover first. 

and, um...

let's see: 

i feel like i'm slowly losing parts of myself, and then just changing and gaining new parts.

oh well, Christmas break is soon so yay, maybe. 

i hope. 

that's all i really want to say here for now.

Written December 8th, 2022.