Drifting Thoughts

~some stuff~

Super important life update: 

I gave Cal a pink lightsaber to match his pink poncho and BD-1. I don't know if there's a pink Mantis skin. If there is I haven't unlocked it yet. I haven't explored everything there is to explore yet. 

But anyway: 

Here you go. 

There's a lot of other actually important stuff going on, but...it's fine. I'm dealing with it. Somewhat. 

And I'm definitely not hiding in my dorm for most of the time. 

Okay, maybe I am. 

But classes start tommorrow. That will give me a reason to leave at least twice. Also, meals and stuff. So yeah. 

I ate a meh cafeteria burger for dinner twice in a row, because idk, it's easy and I'm too scared to try going to the other dining halls for some reason and for that you just grab it and go....

Also I'd been to that dining hall before. So. 

I don't know. 

I've just been...

Not feeling like talking to people, not feeling like trying to...

Well,do much of anything. 

I even got a new iPad and my motivation to draw is still not great. It was better for a little bit and then, whee,  moved, hey, guess what, you're in college now and you're an adult good luck!

I feel so unprepared and panicky and stuff 

But I have yet to even use the resources I have available. 

I don't know why. Am I scared? Do I just...not wanna admit I need help?

I think it's just...

I've done this before without anyone's help and I survived. 

Well, not without "anyone," but, you know what I mean. Right? Maybe? 

It's fine, though. Maybe? It doesn't feel quite real. And yeah, I'm too nervous to really try to explore campus much. I have some. 

But...I don't know. 

I mean i did somehow get lost a little bit even with google maps but I wasn't really lost, exactly? 

And I got genshin impact on my laptop so yay? 

i don't even know. 

there's some thing tonight with a lot of people and noise and crap which is mandatory, and then i'll probably come right back to my room and 

overthink everything 

again. 

this doesn't feel like my life. it does but it feels temporary and? 

idk. Some parts are fine, like the bathrooms right across the hall literally, and i've used grubhub twice or 3 times now to get food and it's (mostly) worked out fine

Plus I know how to get to my classes for tommorrow and I've been writing in my journal more. yay. such big wins. 

but uh...

yeah, my thoughts have been, um, a little crazy lately. 

nothing i haven't dealt with before. 

 but i just 

i don't care but i do but i don't it's...

it's strange, i know. 

yeah. that's all for now.