A Different Slice

44.2 Surprise (Kieran)

The partially overcast sky shielded Naomi and Kieran from the heat of the sun as they paddled across Caddy Lake. The racing motorboats and jet skis weren't roaring on the water yet, leaving a soundtrack of birdsong or the gentle conversation of people on their decks enjoying a coffee. A few other canoes glided ahead, going north toward the same tunnel that she and Kieran planned to check out.

They passed some cabins bigger than houses he'd seen in the city, and others were more modest. The small public beaches held a few early bird swimmers and inflatable tubes. After a while, the lake narrowed, and the shore became populated with trees and bordered by reedy water. They spotted a few turtles like they did on the canoe ride before their first kiss too. His gaze wandered to the controlled flexes of Naomi's sculpted arms and a patch of her lower back between her life jacket and bikini bottoms.

The sight re-inspired visions of yesterday and this morning. He loved that she wanted him to touch her, explore her, and appreciate her. He had to catch himself every time he wondered what it was building up to. For Naomi, those were the moments she looked forward to, and she wanted more than a sexual connection as she had said.

All the physical closeness and time with Ian and Brinny had dulled his concerns about her conversation with Greg, but on the water, he imagined Naomi and her ex sitting on the beach. When he said he still had feelings for her, did he touch her, take her hand like Kieran did? The thought made Kieran's skin crawl.

"Can I ask you something?"

Naomi's paddling paused for a second. "Of course."

"Why did you wait to tell me about seeing Greg in Gimli?"

Her paddle hit the outside boat with her next stroke. "I was conflicted about not telling you right away. I didn't know how to share it without upsetting you."

"The way I found out upset me. I wished I'd heard it from you first."

Her braid swung as she turned toward him. "I'm sorry. I should have told you earlier."

"Will you tell me if you have other conversations that involve your romantic past in the future? Or if your feelings about him change?"

"Of course, but I can't see the latter happening." Her face melted into concern. "Have you been worried about this all weekend?"

He gazed at the emerald leafy trees along the shore before looking back at her. "It flickers in and out of my mind. You have pretty effective distracting techniques."

"Those weren't distractions. I wanted to be that close to you because I care about you, and I appreciate you, and..." Her eyes spoke the words her lips wouldn't. Or perhaps Kieran was projecting. "You're amazing. The last thing I want to do is hurt or confuse you. Our relationship is much better than the one I had with Greg, and I am closer to you romantically than I ever was with him."

"I would have understood if you told me that night."

"Maybe part of my waiting was that I felt guilty about us too. When we first hung out, I was a wreck around you because I'd assumed my asexuality had sunk my relationship like it had in the past. Had I been strong enough to handle those feelings alone, Greg would have told me it hadn't bothered him as much as I thought. I was like a false victim who created the circumstances of her misery and used your compassion to get an amazing relationship."

"There was a reason you didn't believe him. If he made you feel he accepted it throughout your relationship, you would have been comfortable giving him time or assuming more was affecting him. He can say whatever he wants now and pretend the past is different, but he questioned you like he didn't want it to be real. He ghosted you for a week. If you had come out to me mid-relationship, I would have been checking in with you, bombarding you or Jake or the AVEN forums with questions about everything I was learning."