Eye Drops (#2)

c o u g h

"I like you; your eyes are full of language." – Anne Sexton

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"This is Westerden Optometrist, what are your–"

"Peanut, are you there? I have news!"

"Yeah, it's me. What's up?"

"One hundred and twenty people tried out for cheer this year! I can't believe it. That's the largest number, like, ever!"

"That's awesome, Retina!"

"I know, right? I'm so proud of myself!"

"Yourself?"

"Er, I mean, us. I'm so proud of us."

"Do you hear the two magic words, yet? No Tristan, I haven't heard them. Man, Tristan, this is taking a while!"

"Are you having a conversation with yourself?"

"I think you owe me something."

"What do I owe you?"

"There are two words that you can tell me which will satisfy my request."

"Ice cream?"

"Why would those be the magic words?"

"Most teenagers can be bribed with ice cream. Should I buy you some ice cream?"

"As delicious as ice cream is, that wasn't what I was looking for. And what do you mean by most teenagers?Don't you love ice cream, too?"

"Ice cream makes me gain a lot of weight in a short amount of time, so no. I prefer healthier options, to keep my figure."

"Why are you so shallow?"

"It's not being shallow, it's just being picky with my meal choices."

"Retina, are you starving yourself?"

"What? No!"

"Okay, I'll try again. Are you eating less, or more healthy, as you define it, because of health reasons and to live a longer life, or are you eating less just to stay on the cheer team?"

"It may or may not be the latter."

"Retina! You're already the head cheerleader, what do you need to starve yourself for? It's not like you can get kicked off the team!"

"I need to set an example for my teammates, okay? They can't have a buffalo leading their cheers! Oh, why do you care?"

"I care about your personal wellbeing! Plus, as the son of an eye doctor, I instinctively care about health."

"I'm not hurting my personal wellbeing!"

"Yes, you are."

"Can you just drop it?"

"Retina, listen to me. You don't need to change yourself. God, I sound so cheesy. But seriously, don't starve yourself to fulfill social expectations. You're better than that."

"I– look, I can't promise that I can, or am willing to change my eating habits."

"I'm not telling you to start stuffing your face and gain twenty pounds in a week. Your weight should be fine, but you don't need to lose any more."

"How do you know how much I weigh?"

"I don't, but you're a cheerleader. I can tell how much pressure you're under. You probably have the equivalent workout routine and diet of a model, most of whom don't have realistic measurements. Damn, why am I talking about measurements?"

"Because, Peanut, you're a freaking nerd."

"I appreciate the ego boost, Retina."

"Look, I'll try and tone down the dieting stuff, okay? That's as much as I can promise."

"I'm content with that."