"Her eyes have their own vocabulary. What a beautiful language to learn." – Unknown
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"This is Westerden Optometrist–"
"Dude, it's me! Hello? Can you hear me?"
"Yeah, bro. This is a phone. I can hear you."
"Anyway, I might have to take you up on that whole eye test thing."
"Oh, so now you're interested? Why the change of heart?"
"My coworkers and I were playing darts yesterday. Um, I may have accidentally pegged my girlfriend on the forehead, she may have tried to stab me with a butter knife and I may be hiding from her in our giant freezer right now."
"Sure, you can come by any time you want."
"Next week sound good?"
"Sweet."
"If you need any free ice cream, I'll get you some and we can have an ice cream party!"
"Uh, sounds good? I'm Tristan, by the way, nicknamed Peanut by some girl who called me last month. Now we're having regular conversations."
"Dude, I used to do that too! And I'm Fletcher, sometimes called the Sass Master of– well, I don't live in Doncaster. What rhymes with Westerden?"
"Maiden? Golden? Forbidden?"
"The Forbidden Golden Maiden of Westerden? Meh, thanks for trying. Now, what was your whole gimmick about the conversation thingy? What's her name?"
"Well, she's, um, wow, I just realised that I don't know her real name."
"Welp, you win the gold medal for Sucky Conversation Buddy."
"What? It never came up! And didn't you say you also nicknamed your phone buddy?"
"Yeah, her real name's not Sushi, but I call her Sushi."
"Why Sushi?"
"Why not Sushi?"
"Touché. What happened with you guys, then?"
"We've been dating for... shit, it's our one year anniversary tomorrow! What do I get her?"
"A sushi pendant necklace?"
"I already gave her that, bro! Be more original."
"Dude, seriously? Alright, lemme search some stuff up, then."
"You're the best, Tristy!"
'Don't call me that."
"I'm gonna call you that."
"Hm, I'm guessing neither of you are much of the fancy dinner type, so how about you just plan a really awesome staycation at home? You know, watch some of her favourite movies, stuff your face with food, et cetera."
"Dude."
"Dude, as in dude, you're a frickin' blessing to the damn world, you know that? Or dude, what the actual fuck, that is the worst idea in the history of worst ideas?"
"Dude, you're my oxygen tank. You keep me alive. Your idea is brilliant!"
"Thanks bro, but I think the oxygen tank is going a bit too far. We haven't taken our steps that far in our relationship, you know?"
"Oh, right. Um, my girlfriend probably won't be too happy about us together."
"Wait a minute, hold up, rewind. Did you say that you and your phone buddy became a couple earlier?"
"Yeah, we started dating several months after our accidental phone call. You're probably next, dude. Once you fall into the deep, dark chasm, you never come back out."
"So, just like Percy and Annabeth when they–"
"No spoilers! I'm still reading the second book of the series! Stop with the spoilers, bro!"
"Okay, I'll stop!"
"You'd better."
"I should probably go poke some more eyes out. Bye, dude."
"I should probably go and face the Devil. And when I say that, I mean my scary and possibly ravenous girlfriend. Ciao!"
YOU ARE READING
Eye Drops (#2)
Short Story"This is Westerden Optometrist. What are your symptoms?" "For starters, my eyesight has been super blurry and distorted, and this problem is starting to screw up seventeen-year-old life. Speaking of which, you sound kind of young for an optometrist...
