"Don't look to excited to be here Rose, wouldn't want to run off all of the customers would you?" Maureen mumbled sarcastically bumping hips with me.
"Sorry, i'll tone it down." I played along rolling my eyes.
"You know if you're so bored here, why don't you come to the clubs party tonight. I mean Jimmy's been wanting to meet you." She pressed on leaning next to me.
"You know I don't do parties, i'm more of the stay in watching slasher films sipping tea type of girl." I huffed knowing she will buy my lie.
"And that is exactly why you will die alone with fifty cats." She sassed throwing a rag at me. "Now go clean the windows crazy."
I simply smirked giving a mock bow before walking off to do my job, it wasn't the best job around but it was the ideal cover I needed. Truth was i didn't wanna have a run in with the SAMBEL boys and risk blowing my cover. SAMCRO is already aware that i'm here it wouldn't take long for them to recognize me and drag my ass back home. I couldn't go back, not now when i'm so close ending all of this. It's not only for me but for my boys, and the club too. We all have a common enemy and if they're eliminated things can go back to normal. I am honestly really fucking tired of looking over my shoulder and worrying if my boys will be gunned down and taken from me. That's why there is no way in hell i'm leaving without killing that son of a bitch.
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Huffing I took a step back running a hand through my short hair looking at the newly clean shop windows. My reflection looking right back at me caused a slight unsteadiness in my stomach. It was longing and fear swimming around that caused this disturbance. Longing to go back home to my boys and the farm, longing to have my long dark hair back, longing to be free and happy for once in my life. Then there was the fear, this feeling was new to me but I understood its reason for being there. It was the fear of returning home, fear of all the changes to come, and lastly fear of seeing Happy again. No i'm not afraid of Happy or what he will do, I fear that he will push me away since I ran away with only a note. I fear that he will see me as a coward and deem me pathetic and useless.
This feeling was new as well, the feeling of being completely powerless to a single man. All of my life I held the power and was always the strong one who would fight back and resist at all coast. But with Happy i feel weak and submissive, I want to give him my all and not knowing if he will accept me when i get back terrifies me. That is where this true origin of this fear comes from and it is nearly paralyzing.
"Damn it Rose snap out of it!"
I nearly jumped as the loud voice of Maureen yelled in my ear pulling me back down to earth. I gave her a sheepish smile as she looked at me with a worried gaze. She reached her hand to my forehead then down to my cheek.
"You feel a little warm hun, take the rest of the day off and get some rest. Were closing early anyway."
"No it's fine i'm alright, no need to close already." I mumbled looking back at the spotless window.
"I don't care if you feel fine go home." She demanded taking the rag from my hand and tossing me my bag before marching back into the shop.
I simply rolled my eyes and began the journey back to my apartment in hopes of a short nap before the calm before the storm completely disappears. Once SAMCRO arrive this city is going to be flipped upside down and there will be hell to pay. It was only a five minute walk to my temporary home which was rather convenient. Upon entering my home it took me under a minute to kick my shoes off and fling my bra across the living room, before faceplanting into the bed I would catch a much needed nap on to rid me of my fears and worries even just for a little while.
