Lost

Why did i do this too myself?

I can't help but feel this way.

It's been ages since I've seen anyone, The boys have gone on a road trip, and Ash and Rena are no where to be seen, leaving me alone for spring break, winter passed two quickly, and my mum started arguing with my dad, leaving Christmas season in the bin.

I couldn't help but sink into a miserable state, I did absolutely nothing for a while, maybe watch a little bit of Netflix, started a show called "stranger things"

But I've been slowly and slowly breaking down by each passing day, just this morning I almost chopped of my finger when I tried to cut a loaf of bread into two.

"Emma"

I looked up at the sound of my name, seeing David and Leo in front of me, each with a sad little smile plastered on their faces.

"What?" I say bitterly, hugging my pillow to my chest.

"Do you want to-"

"No" I deny, denying their offer without even knowing what it is.

"Emma, you need to go out a little... how about a party-"

"No" I snap a little to harshly, making Leo flinch.

"Park?" David suggests

I open my mouth to deny another offer but Leo speaks up.

"You've been off... no more cheery smiles, no more chirpy attitude..."

I couldn't help but laugh, the fact that my own brothers fell for my fake persona hurt, and I expressed my hurt in that laugh, letting the emotion free of its chains and flooding into my stupid blue eyes, letting the tears spill, letting myself just lay down and gasp for breath, my maniac-like laughing morphed into uncontrolled sobs.

"Emma" both my brothers said in unison.

Their voice became more faint, as I blocked them out, they don't care, I don't care, fudge that, nobody cares, why listen to them convince me I'm crazy and need therapy or some mad people room?

I lay down and closed my eyes, deciding the land of dreams will be the only place I can be myself, express myself, and not fear what others think, I've been sticking with my independent chirpy whatever persona for way to long, longer than I've been me, and know I don't even know who me is...

Why did I do this too myself?