Why the Straight One? | Book 1 | bxb

Entry 26 - "You're So Goddamn Confusing!"

I sat in complete shock for about ten seconds.

That's what I love about you.

Love?

My mind was reeling, but I knew one thing. There was no way that I was just going to sit here and let him run off after saying a thing like that.

I jumped out of my deck chair as fast as I could, heading towards the house, and catching up with him before he even opened the door.

"You can't just say something like that, and run off right after!"

He turned quickly at the sound of my voice, his face still tinged red from when he had tried and failed to explain himself earlier.

"It was nothing. I—"

"Nothing? Because you really don't seem like the type who would just throw that word around for fun."

"I just meant that I loved that about you, but not that...that I..."

"That you what, Thomas?"

His hand had slid off the doorknob by now, and he had turned completely to face me. He was only a few feet away, but I didn't step closer.

Don't push it, Alex. A small voice in my head reminded me, but even as I looked at his confused and embarrassed face, the reasonable voice in my mind was getting harder to hear.

"You know what I'm saying." His voice was much smaller this time, and his eyes which had been looking anywhere but at me, suddenly found mine. He didn't look away, and I found myself getting lost in his mesmerizing eyes, almost forgetting what we were even talking about.

"So, just a slip of the tongue then?"

I couldn't help stepping closer to him then. At the word tongue, his eyes darted down to my mouth, then quickly back up. He was blushing even harder now, and I'd never seen him look so uncertain of himself.

"Y-yeah, that's what it was."

The slight stutter at the beginning of his sentence sent my heart in a flutter. It was adorable, and so unlike Thomas.

"You didn't mean anything else by it?"

"Umm, I don't know."

I raised my eyebrows at that, and he shifted uncomfortably.

"I'm finding it really hard to remember what I thought which you standing so close to me."

I grinned at the totally honest answer, and was  surprised when he smiled back.

"Well, do you want me step away?"

By his time I was standing directly in front of him, my head tilted slightly to look up into his eyes.

"No...Yes? I don't know!"

He moved his hands in frustration, eyes flashing.

"You're so goddamn confusing, Alex! One minute I'm sure that I feel nothing for you at all, and then you get this close to me, and all that goes flying out the window. And part of me wants to push you away, but that part keeps getting smaller and smaller."

Maybe he saw the look in my eyes, or maybe he just knew when I leaned forward slightly I had every intent to kiss him, because he put his hands on my chest.

"But I know one thing. I'm not ready for this. This kiss or anything. Up until a few months ago, I wanted nothing to do with another man, you know why. And the fact that you know, and that you've been so wonderful about it is part of why I'm so confused."