gangs

Seven

So I let her

I kept my eyes shut as she helped me get all of the blood out of my hair.

I dried my hair with a towel after, wiping the make up that had ran down my face away, exhaling slowly.

"Sit, let me braid your hair so it's out of the way" she mumbled, putting down the toilet seat.

I exhaled, doing as said, knowing once my hair dried, it would be annoying and frizzy.

As she braided, Ashton entered, sending me a small smile, which I smiled back to.

"My mom okay?" I asked slowly.

"Yeah, Luke just came to tell me that they admitted her overnight, she's sleeping" he told me, making me nod slowly.

Once she finished the braid, I thanked her and Ashton led me out of the room, into what I knew was his office from his name being on his door.

"Are you tired?" He asked me slowly.

"No" I spoke truthfully, it would certainly be hard for me to sleep after today.

"Then let's talk."

I should've said I was tired.

I sat with him, staying silent.

"You have to talk about what you saw or you'll have nightmares." He spoke slowly.

I always have nightmares.

"It was just- a man, and then my dad got shot" I mumbled.

"Sweetheart, do you realize how terrorizing that is?" He asked me slowly.

Yes, but I've seen guns before

I've seen what happens to people that don't go through with deals

I've been hit before

It's nothing that I'm not used to.

"I think you're still in shock" he spoke calmly.

I wasn't in shock

I was just constantly hiding my feelings from everyone, including myself.

"How do you feel?" He asked me, making me think.

I truly didn't even know how I felt.

I was sad
I was confused
I was scared
I was angry
I was worried

"I don't know" I told him.

"You haven't cried" he spoke to me slowly.

"I don't ever cry" I told him.

"But this isn't everyday hardship, Andrea- I know this hurts you." He spoke sympathetically.

He was right

My heart was truly broken

Although I was almost constantly angry with my dad for his actions, I loved him

He was my dad

We had happy moments- we have family bonding nights even

He just didn't handle his work life the way he should've.

I wish I would've told him that I loved him one more time

I wish I would've thanked him for protecting me the past sixteen years.

But instead, the next time I'll see him, he'll be in a casket

This made the tears come into my eyes, but I wasn't going to let them fall.

"Are you scared to cry in front of me?" Ashton asked me.

"I don't cry in front of anyone" I cleared my throat as I spoke.

"That's not a good thing, you shouldn't hold in all of these emotions." He spoke, making me rub my eyes slowly, feeling the sensitivity of my nose as I did.

"Where are we supposed to go from here?" I asked him, seeing him looking to me slowly.

"What do you mean?" He asked me.

"Like my mom and I, what are we supposed to do?"

He exhaled slowly.

"You'll have a funeral, you'll get to tell his body goodbye. You and your mom will attend counseling sessions here, when you're both capable, you'll go back to work and school." He spoke slowly.

"So I'm supposed to just go back to my normal life?" I asked him slowly.

"It's not always going to hurt this bad, it'll hurt, but you'll come to terms with it- you'll realize that he's in a better place" he spoke slowly

"But what if he didn't go to a better place?" I asked.

"Why would you think that?" He asked, seeming confused.

"You didn't know my dad, at all."