Pure Torture: a Hunger Games Fanfiction

Chapter 31

Peeta

"Faces in the crowd will smile again. And the Devil may cry, the Devil may cry at the end of the night." -The Weeknd

In the morning, when I wake, I stand and get dressed. I don't know what I'll do today. I comb my messy blond hair and walk out of my room when I look presentable. I make my way to the Dining Hall, alone, wondering where Katniss is.

I recieve my standard breakfast of oatmeal and some fruit and sit at a table alone. I'm eating a stray blueberry when a tired-looking Haymitch sits down next to me with some food also.
"Peeta." He greets, quietly.
"Hi." I reply.
He looks odd, as if something's wrong.
"Haymitch.... Is there anything wrong?" I ask, carefully.
"What?" He says, startled, "Oh! Um, no."

"Why are you acting so weird?" I ask.
"I'm acting weird?" He returns.
"A little." I reply.
"Oh. No, Peeta. I'm fine." He says. I let my worries fade a good amount.
"The Games messed us all up pretty good, huh?" I say to him.
"Yeah." He answers. "You know, it never goes away."

I blink a couple of times. What is he talking about?
"What do you mean?"
"I mean the nightmares and the little flashbacks and the guilt. The PTSD. It doesn't ever go away. It's been nearly 26 years since my games and I still think about all of the people I killed. And all of the people that I was forced to mentor but died." He explains.
"Oh." Is all I manage.
"And that, my friend, is why I turned to alcohol. It numbed it all for me. I had a family. And a girl. But they were all killed... Because of me and the trick I played with the Forcefield in my arena. The liquor just kind of dulled the extremes of my emotions. It was good, until it wore off. Then I had to go get more to drown away the pain." He adds.

"I'm sorry..." I say.
He pauses for a second.
"I miss them a lot. They were the people I cared about. But they're dead now."
"Me too." I say. Haymitch gives me a confused look.
"I, um, my family all died in the bombing." I explain further.
He gives me a sad look.

"You should go find Katniss before you go to Training." He says, after seeing my empty bowl of oatmeal.
"Oh. Yeah I guess I will. Thanks, Haymitch." I say.
I get up from my seat and return my tray. I exit the Dining Hall and towards Katniss's family Compartment.

When I get there, I pass by Prim in the hallway, leaving the Compartment. I give her an acknowledging smile before entering. I find Katniss in her small bed, still sleeping. Why is she still sleeping? She shouldn't be...
I decide to wake her up, then.
I place my hand on her arm.

She jumps at my touch, sucking in air.
"Oh my god." She says. "You scared me."
"Sorry." I apologize.
She gives me a little smile, indicating forgiveness.
She sits up, and I see that she's not in her sleeping clothes, but in her District 13 uniform.
"You're dressed?" I ask, confused.
"Yeah." She says.
"I didn't see you at breakfast, though." I say.
She looks down at the floor.
"That's because I didn't go." She says, "and you didn't see me at Dinner last night either for the the same reason."

"Katniss, are you not eating?!" I ask, my concern growing.
"I don't know." She says, blankly.
"Why aren't you eating?!" I ask.
"I just, I don't know. I guess I just don't feel like it very much anymore." She explains, quietly.
"Katniss! You need to eat." I say.

She looks up at me, and then returns her gaze to the shiny gray flooring of the Compartment.
"What?" I ask. "What is it?!"
She puts her head in her hands. She stays like this until she finds the right words to say.

"Something in my head. It's telling me not to eat, Peeta. It's telling me to starve myself and just sleep all day." She confesses. I can hear the sadness and embarrassment in her quiet voice.

"You can't listen to them, Katniss. That's just what Snow's done to break you. You have to be whole." I say, sadly.
"But they control me." She says.
"You have to fight them." I reply.

She puts her head back in her hands.
"I'm sorry!" She says, into her hands.
"Katniss, it's okay! You're okay. I'm okay. We're going to be fine!" I say, trying to reassure her.

"No! It's not okay. I'm so sorry, Peeta. I'm such a huge burden to you and to Prim and to Mom and Haymitch..." She says.
She starts breathing unusually heavily. I recognize this as what she does before a relapse.
"Katniss?" I ask, concerned she's going into one.
"Help... Me. Relapse...." She says between her heavy breaths.
I rush to sit next to her on the bed. I hold her in my arms.

"Katniss? Can you tell me what your favorite color is?" I ask, trying to give her something to think about that might keep her demons from overtaking her brain.
"Green." She says, breathlessly.
She clenches her muscles and curls into a ball. I wrap my arms around her.
"Hold on, Katniss. Keep going. Keep fighting it." I say.
"Ask something... Something else." She says, still breathing shakily and heavily.

"Okay. Can you remember what my favorite color is?" I ask, calmly.
She struggles to get her answer out.
"Orange?" She chokes out.
"Orange like the sunset." She adds.
"Yes! You're right Katniss. Alright, now can you tell me the name of our math teacher in 6th grade?" I ask.

It continues like this for a couple of painstakingly long minutes.
I ask. She answers.
Sometimes it takes close to a minute for her to answer some of them. But others, like the name of the song she used to sing to Prim, come to her almost instantly. It's not as effective as I had hoped.

I must work, though. She finally comes out of her relapse after 8 minutes. And this time, there was no trying to push me off of her or break free from my grasp.
"Hey. You did great! No violence this time. You held on." I say, after.
"Thanks. Um, for asking me the questions. I think it worked." She says, shakily.

"I want to lay down and sleep again." She states, tiredly.
She goes to lay down but I catch her arm.
"No more sleep, Katniss. I'm sorry." I say. I know that this much sleep is going to end up hurting her somehow. I'm not sure exactly how yet, but I can just tell.

"Let's get you something to eat. I have 15 minutes before I need to leave to get to Training on time." I suggest.
"Um," she says, then pauses. "I'm not so hungry."

I give her a look. She understands immediately that she doesn't have an option and that as long as I'm here, she has to eat.
"Okay." She says defeatedly.

I hold her hand as we walk to the Dining Hall. I get her set up with a small bowl of oatmeal and some fruit, identical to the breakfast everyone else in 13 is having.
I sit with her, watching to make sure she eats.
Slowly, she raises the spoon to her mouth and takes a bite. She swallows hard and looks unhappy.

"I know," I say with a small smile, "Its not very good, is it? That's what I thought, too."
She nods, and hesitantly continues eating.
I glance up at the digital clock on the wall. It reads 7:40 am. I have 5 minutes before I have to be at Training.

I place my hand on her free arm.
"I have to go, now. Training starts really soon." I say.
She gives me a small nod.

Before I know it, her lips are pressed to mine. We just sit there, kissing.
When she finally pulls away, she speaks.

"Thanks, Peeta." She says, breathlessly.

I give her a smile before getting up and exiting the dining hall.
Before I leave, I respond.

"I love you, Katniss."

"I love you too, Peeta."

**Sorry if this seems short! ❤️

- Aly (amalady21)