Pure Torture: a Hunger Games Fanfiction

Chapter 86

Katniss

"When the oceans rise,
my soul will rest in your embrace.
I am yours and you are mine."
-Hillsong United

A few hours later, we both still lay on the couch awake. I find it funny how we always end up awake at this hour of the morning. We always seem to be awake during the darkness of 2AM. Maybe it's the fact that we're safe in each other's arms or the soft, warm orange glow the fire casts on the room. Either way, neither of us want to let go.

"I've been wondering something." Peeta says.
"You've been wondering something?" I ask.
He nods.
"What?"

"I... Uh... I don't know. Nevermind, it's kind of stupid." He changes his mind.
"Peeta, don't do this to me." I say.
"No, it's not that. I know what you mean, but really... It's not such a good idea." He replies.

I tilt my head up and kiss him.
"Now will you tell me?" I ask.
"I'll consider it." He replies.
"Whenever you're ready..." I say jokingly.

I rest my head on his chest and try not to fall asleep. I feel Peeta's breaths evening out and I think he's slipped off into sleep, but he places his hand on my back and rubs it lightly.
"You still haven't told me." I state, just so he knows.
"I'm aware." He says back, trying to act irritated.

"You're not going to tell me? Fine. You're not allowed to sleep until you do." I say, trying to force it out of him.
"You play dirty, Katniss. That's not fair!" He laughs quietly.
"I'm not kidding." I say frankly.
Peeta sighs and stays quiet for a while. I suspect he's falling asleep again, so I nudge him with my elbow.
He wakes up again.

Still, he's silent.
"What are you doing?" I ask.
"Just listening."
"To what?"
"To everything," He replies. "To the way you breathe, to the sound of the fire, to the sound of the little noises the refrigerator makes, to the silence."
"I swear to God, everything that comes out of your mouth belongs in poetry or something sappy." I joke.

He laughs a little and I tilt my head up to look at what he's looking at. He has his hand around my body and placed on my stomach firmly.
"I want another." He whispers quietly, as if he needs to be ashamed.
I sit up quickly so I can get a good look at his face.
"I...I... I mean, if you don't want another, that's okay. I understand. It's totally fine. I really understand. Uh, I shouldn't have even said... Um... I'm sorry..." He says, going on and on in embarrassment.

It's incredibly cute how he tries to take it back by endlessly talking. I lie back down on top of him on the couch and press my ear to his chest. I listen for his strong heartbeat and allow myself to feel okay, even if just for a fraction of a second.
"Please say something." Peeta begs.
"Tell me again. And tell me more." I request.

"Katniss, if you don't want--"
"I want to hear you say more." I cut him off.
He inhales deeply.

"I want another. Another baby. I want Willow to grow up with somebody who'll look up to her. I think she needs that responsibility, for one thing. But I love seeing you as a mother. I fell in love with the way you looked with your baby bump. I fell in love with the way you reacted when the baby kicked. I fell in love with the way you squeezed my hand so hard I thought you'd break it when you were in labor. I fell in love with the person you are around kids, the way you love them, the way you mother them. I fell in love with it." He says.

I feel my heart beating.
"I...I... I fell in love with it, too." I reply shakily but honestly.
The way it felt, holding my new baby in my arms for the first time, showing her to Haymitch and Effie, watching her grow up. I want to watch it again, I think.

"And this time... It could be planned. We would know about it and we would know we wanted it. It could be better now that you're recovering. You could feel like you're still living while you carry it." He explains.
He has a point.
"Say something. Please." He says.