Pure Torture: a Hunger Games Fanfiction

Chapter 91

Katniss

"And the weight is crushing down on my lungs, I know, I can't breathe and hope someone will save me this time." -Rilo Kiley

When I wake, I'm met with the small stature of my daughter right next to me.
"Mommy?" She asks, sitting up when she notices I'm awake.
I hardly hear her voice. My ears feel like they're stuffed with cotton.
"Mommy?" She asks again.
I painstakingly turn my head to look at her. A smile lights up on her face.

"Mommy!" She exclaims, throwing her arms around me.
"Willow," Peeta says quietly. "Be gentle with your mommy, okay? Remember what I told you."
She unwraps her arms from me and apologizes quietly. I'm silent, but not by choice.

"Willow, why don't you go tell your uncle Haymitch to take you home. Do you want to stay with your Aunt Annie and Finn or your Aunt Johanna?" Peeta asks.
"I want to stay here with you and mommy!" Willow whines.
"Your bed will be much more comfortable. Plus it's going to be boring here. Mommy and daddy are just going to sit and talk about grown up stuff. You can go home with Aunt Johanna and you two can do something." Peeta explains.

Reluctantly, she nods. Peeta kisses her and then she plants a kiss on my cheek. I stay still. I don't say a word.
"I love you, mommy." She says.
She looks sad when I can't return the gesture.
"She loves you, too, Willow." Peeta says quietly.

Haymitch appears in the door and takes Willow home, or at least I'm assuming that's where he goes after.

Peeta pulls up a chair next to my bed.
"Hey, Katniss..." He says, taking hold of my hand.
I blink at him as my response. I don't know if I still can't talk or if I just don't want to.

"Can you talk?" Peeta asks.
I shrug, almost imperceptibly.
"Try?" He suggests.
I nod slightly and take a deep breath.
"Hhhhhey." I say, my voice breaking and sounding wheezy.
"That's it, Katniss." He says.

I cough once or twice. All of a sudden, I feel whatever block in my head is lifted and it's like the flood gates have opened. I feel like I'm going to vomit words.
"Peeta?" I say. I'm taken aback quickly by the sound of my voice working right.

He lets out a sigh of relief.
"I didn't think you were ever going to talk again." He says.
"Oh yeah? Remember that the next time I won't shut up." I say, laughing at my own joke.
"Took you a while to wake up. I was really worried." He adds.
"I don't know why I couldn't do anything." I reply.

"I don't know either." He says.

I gasp, remembering the baby.
"Is the baby okay? Did something happen? Is it alright? Did I kill it?"
"Katniss? What? No! No, it's alright. The little one's alright." He comforts me.
I let out a shaky sigh.
"Good."

"You'll have a little bit of explaining to do to Willow when she comes back tomorrow." He says.
"I...I know." I say guiltily.
"I think she's really upset." He says.
"She's not the only one..." I reply.
He gives me a quizzical look.
"What do you mean?" He asks.

"I mean that I'm upset, too. I thought we were done with this. I thought my brain was fixed and so was I. I thought I could finally be there whole heartedly for my baby and for Willow. I thought Willow would never have to see me like this." I say.
He just nods, neither of us knowing what to say.

"Peeta?" I ask.
"Yeah?"
"I'm so tired. I don't know why. I just slept, but I'm so tired." I reply.
"That wasn't real sleep." He says.
"It was terrible."
"You want to talk about it?" He asks.
I shake my head no.