Pure Torture: a Hunger Games Fanfiction

Chapter 38

Katniss

"Little do you know I'm trying to pick myself up piece by piece." -Alex and Sierra

[A/N: the cover of this story is changing! Somebody on Twitter offered to make a new one and I've decided to use it! It's amazing!]

I regain sense of my surroundings soon after I wake from my medically induced sleep. My eyes flutter open, just to find nobody there. I lie there on my side, facing an empty chair where Haymitch must have sat. I let out a couple coughs, which must alert a nurse that I'm awake. Soon after I make a noise, that nurse, Maya, comes in.
"Katniss? How are you feeling?" She asks.
I don't really feel like talking. My mind is still foggy from whatever happened.

I give a weak thumbs-up, hoping that it'll suffice for her. It doesn't. She looks next to my bed to check the small digital clock. The numbers are a burning red on a black background.
11:37 PM it reads.
"11:37..." She says, "Hmm. I'll go check and see if Dr. Stone can come in."

If I actually wanted to talk, or even could, I would ask why she's going to get a doctor. But I don't. Maya leaves without me saying a word.

The clock reads 11:50 PM by the time Maya returns with the Doctor, Dr. Stone.
"Hello, Miss Everdeen." He says.
I give him a small nod in response. He turns to Maya,
"Can she talk?" He asks. Maya shakes her head as in no.
"I don't know if she can't talk, or if she just doesn't want to." Maya adds on.

"Ah." The doctor says. He turns back to me.
"Feeling alright?" He asks. I give a slow blink and a tiny head nod.
"It'll be hard to figure anything out if she's not talking." He says. His eyes drift to the clock.
"It's late, though." Maya says.

He puts his face in his hands.
"Well," He says, "I'm willing to pull a little all-nighter for the Mockingjay. She needs that brain scan sooner rather than later."

This shocks me so much, I speak.
"A brain scan?" I ask quietly and concerned.
Doctor Stone looks up at me quickly.
"Uh, yes. We've decided it would be best for you to recieve a brain scan to examine what exactly is going on to cause relapses and flashbacks and these new zone-outs and how we can fix it.... If we can fix it." He explains.

Suddenly, I don't feel like talking.
"I don't want to do that without Peeta here..." I say.
"Miss Everdeen. Peeta's not here. He's been deployed, remember?" Doctor Stone says.
"I know. Can't you, like, get him back?" I ask.
"I'm sorry," He says, "but no. We need to do this ASAP and we would not be able to get that authorized."
"I don't want to do it without him next to me. How would we even break it to him if something worse than we thought is going on? I couldn't tell him. Haymitch couldn't." I say.

"I will... if worst comes to worst." Maya says.
"Thank you." I say quietly.
"I'm going to go find a team of Doctors and Nurses who'll do this with me. Maya, would you go find Haymitch?" Doctor Stone says.
Maya nods and gives me a little smile before walking out. Doctor Stone leaves too.

And I'm all alone, as usual, sitting on the bed. I stare at that same spot on the wall. The spot always looks the same, never changing. But still, I'm drawn to it. Soon enough, a very tired Haymitch walks into the room.
"Brain Scan, huh?" He says.
"Yeah..." I say.
He doesn't say anything.
"Haymitch... I'm scared. Not of the actual scan but what it's going to say. What if I'm damaged beyond repair? What if they can't fix me? And how will we tell Peeta?" I say.
"Me and Maya have it covered. It's going to be fine Katniss. You haven't had a relapse in like, 2 weeks almost. That's a good amount of time. All you had was the zone-out." He says.
"I don't know, Haymitch." I reply.

"Hey, you're a fighter. You survived two games and torture from the Capitol. You can fight this." He says.
"I guess." I say.
"Maybe you should get some sleep." He suggests.
"No," I refute, "the doctor is going to be ready soon."
"Wait, they're doing it tonight? It's midnight, Katniss. They're going to do it now?" He asks.
"Yeah, they wanted it ASAP." Is all I say.

As if being called by us talking about them, the group of Nurses and Doctor appear in the door.
"Alright, Katniss. We're going to do this as fast as we can." Doctor Stone says.
I stare at the wall, remembering how I've been fine recently. I don't answer the doctors. Maya comes next to me and says something.
"All of the doctors think you're going to be fine. They're not worried. You shouldn't be, either. It's gonna be fine." She says.
The Doctors nod in agreement.

I allow relief to rush through me. This is all going to be okay.

I watch, calmly, as Maya's expert hands remove my IV so I can be hooked up to a different one wherever I'm being scanned. I opt to walk there instead of being wheeled. I feel fine. My brain feels fine.

We enter the room where the Brain Scans take place. They have me sit on a flat bed. I feel a nurse insert a new IV in my arm. Haymitch stands next to the bed where I lay. I expect to feel sleep calling me as the bed moves into the large scanner, but I don't. I lie there, perfectly still as the doctors instructed. And I wait.

--

The Machine whirs around my head and body. I feel claustrophobic in this tight space. It's late, too, and I'm tired.
Finally, I feel the bed moving out of the machine and its over. Haymitch helps me sit up afterward. He holds my cold hands, like my father used to. When we walk back to my hospital room, he places his hand on my back.

I lie, back in my bed, worrying about the scans.
As if he can read my mind, Haymitch scolds me.
"Stop worrying. You're fine." He says.
"I know I'm fine." I reply.
"Then stop worrying about it." He says.
I turn my head to look at him.
"What if I'm not worrying about that?" I ask. I'm lying though, I am worrying about them.
He doesn't answer. I shut him up.

I check the clock again.
1:42 PM.
The time passes slowly. The doctors say that the results of my scan will be ready after breakfast tomorrow. Or today I guess. Haymitch watches as I continue to periodically check the time.
"Maybe you should sleep, sweetheart." He suggests, again.
I sigh. He's right.
"Alright." I say.
He comes over to the bed, where I still lay.
"See you in the morning." He says.
He gives my good shoulder a little pat and walks out, probably excited to get back to bed.

Eventually, sleep calls out for me and I follow it, giving into shutting my eyes and drifting off.
--

I sit in the room with Doctor Stone, Maya, and Haymitch. Haymitch has his headpiece, ready to inform Peeta with whatever information we are given.
"Alright," the doctor says, "we've reached a conclusion."

This it it.

"So, the brain scan made allowed us to take a look at how your brain seems to be working now. Also, it has made us aware of something in your brain. We're guessing it's most likely from any Post-Traumatic Stress from your Games, but worsened extremely by your torture and even more by the tracker Jacker venom." Doctor Stone says.
"This spot," he says, pointing to some spot on my brain scan, "is the trouble area. It's the part that houses fear. It's recieving stimulation from memories and from events and from a big mess of things in your daily life. We believe that this spot is what's causing you to have relapses, which are also from small pockets of Venom left in your brain. Also, this can trigger your flashbacks and fear." He explains grimly.

"Oh." I say. Haymitch voices what we're all really wondering.

"And," He asks, "is it life threatening?"
"I'm afraid it can be, potentially. Yes." Doctor Stone says.
I shut my tired eyes, preparing for Haymitch's next question. I can't bear to hear the answer after that one.

"Is it curable? Can you fix it?" He asks.
I open my eyes enough to see the doctor look down at the table.

"No." He says, "We can try to minimize it, but will it ever go away? No. Most likely not." He answers.