Pure Torture: a Hunger Games Fanfiction

Chapter 49

Katniss

"There will come a time with no more tears. And Love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears." -Mumford & Sons

"Peeta, where are we going?" I ask, laughing. My one hand is covering my eyes. Peeta hold the other one, leading me after him.
"You'll see." He says.

It's the first warm day of spring. The sun is out and warms my face. It's my favorite kind of day. Peeta takes me through the woods and when I finally am told to remove my hand from my eyes, he smiles. What I see is Beautiful.

Peeta's made a little space in the words for us. A small spot, surrounded by trees but with none inside the area, was made just for us. In the spot lays flowers and in the middle is a blanket and a picnic basket of food.
"Peeta... This is beautiful." I say.
He just smiles.
"Why did you do this?" I ask.
"I just felt like it." He says.

He says this all of the time. Within the last month, Peeta and I have grown closer and closer. He rarely uses his house, and he sleeps at mine with me just in case I have a flashback. Yeah, we used to think it would be okay when I slept. It's not. I find that my nightmares frequently send me spiraling into a flashback. They often times get worse at night, as I can slip out of bed and get whatever I want when Peeta's asleep. I've managed to cut myself with a knife I find in the kitchen a few times and I've nearly overdosed during a relapse. He doesn't ever leave me during the night.
"I can't afford to lose you." He'll say.
And I'm glad he feels that way, because I can't afford to lose him, either.

Peeta leads me to the blanket on the ground. I sit down slowly and feel the sun coming down through the trees on my face.
"Peeta... This is so beautiful." I repeat, gazing at my surroundings.
"I'm glad you like it. The lake is just through those trees." He says, pointing.

Peeta opens the basket of food and I smell the comforting scent of warm bread.
"I'm so hungry." I say. Peeta smiles the most genuine smile I've ever seen.
"Good. I made your favorite." He says.
He pulls the bread out of the basket and sets it aside. I watch eagerly. He then pulls out what used to be, and notably still is, my favorite dish. The lamb with gravy and dried plums. I remember eating it in the Capitol before my first games.

As we break into the lamb, I speak.
"I remember eating this in the cave with you..." I trail off.
"Oh, yeah," He says, laughing at the memory, "I just remember almost dying. Then you saved my life."
"Peeta..." I say, rolling my eyes. I hate to think that he believes he owes me something for that.
"What? It's true." He says.
"You've saved my life more times than I've saved yours, Peeta." I reply.
"Well..." He says. He has to believe that, because it's true.
"We saved each other." I finish.

We continue to eat and talk. Peeta asks me to sing a song for him, jokingly. I refuse, but he continues to pester me about it.
"Peeta! I'm not going to sing you anything!" I yell, laughing.
"Please!" He begs.
"No!" I say, elbowing him.

We lay on the blanket, staring up at the treetops of the trees around our little clearing. We talk about life. We talk about what we want in future.
"I think I'd want kids." Peeta says.
"For while, I thought I did too." I reply.
"Past tense?" He asks.
"Yeah. I don't know anymore." I say.
"Is it because you're scared of yourself? Or what you could do to yourself?" He asks.
"Yeah," I say, "I would never want my child to see me try to kill myself or wake up screaming or collapse, tremoring from a flashback."

"Oh. I see what you mean." He says. I know this makes him sad. He wants children so badly... But I'm not ready. At least not now. I'm only 18, anyway.
"I mean, I guess I'm not opposed to it entirely, but I'm just so scared of myself right now I would never be able to do it." I say.
"Yeah. I understand." He says.