Pure Torture: a Hunger Games Fanfiction

Chapter 25

Peeta

"You did not break me. I'm still fighting for peace." -Sia

I'm brought into Command after everyone else. I guess I'm late.

I sit down, all eyes on me. Coin stands up from her seat and begins to talk.
"Before the Propo is aired tomorrow, we are showcasing it to you all tonight. Your opinions will be heard about it, but there's no promise that the Propo will be changed if you don't like it." She says. She always says this.

She punches in a string of letters and numbers on her keyboard and the Propo shows up on the big screen in the front of the room.

The Propo is beautiful. Katniss looks amazing. They didn't cut anything out, just times when we paused and tried to think of what to say. They even include the times Katniss reassured me to continue.

When the Propo is over, nobody has any negative things to say. It's come to a general consensus that it's amazing.
There's a huge conversation about it. I wish I could leave the room and go be with Katniss again, but I can't just get up and go. I sit there for a good 20 more minutes, not uttering a word.
"Peeta, how do you like it?" Plutarch asks, noticing that I haven't said anything.
I look up, startled.

"Um... It's really nice." I say.
Everybody's eyes fall on me. I'm so uncomfortable, I almost run out of the room when the meeting is adjourned.

I stop halfway to the hospital to catch my breath and calm myself down. I don't know what's bothering me so much. I begin to walk again, trying to figure out what it is. I simply can't figure it out.
--

I reach the hospital at about 9:00. I walk up to the triage desk but Prim's not there. When the nurse sees me, she smiles. I'm about to tell her who I am and who I want to see, but she recognizes me. Of course she does... who wouldn't?
Her smile is wiped off her Face.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Mellark, but Katniss has requested no visitors until morning. I'm afraid you'll have to return to your living quarters and come back after breakfast tomorrow." She explains.

I can't believe Katniss requested no visitors. I'm insulted at first, but the nurse continues talking.
"I know you think this means that she's upset with you or that you've done something wrong, but I think she just wants some time to be by herself. She loves you, Peeta. I just think she needs to have some time to cope on her own and try to figure herself out." She says.
"And by the way, my name's Maya."

"Thanks, Maya." I say.

I turn a walk away from the hospital. I take a deep breath and try to convince myself that she's right. I remind myself that she's still trying to figure out what's real and what's not real.

I return to my compartment and get ready for bed. I try to sleep quickly, so I can get up and see Katniss. It takes some concentration and forced relaxing in order for me to finally fall asleep, but when I do, I realize it was a huge mistake.

I dream of arenas and tributes and Katniss being killed. I dream of Cato coming at us and shoving me out of the way. He slits Katniss's throat before coming for me.

I dream of Katniss, finally being able to take a knife and push it through her chest, falling over dead.

I dream of the Clock Arena in the Quell, a new threat every hour trying to kill us.

I dream of Katniss screaming, myself screaming, Johanna and Finnick screaming. It's pure torture.

I wake with a start, sheets thrown all over the bed and my pillow on the floor. I get up, deciding sleep is totally out of question. I check the small clock in the Compartment. It's only 3:00 in the morning. I still have another 3 hours until breakfast begins to be served. I find the locket that Haymitch requested to keep after they found it on my neck during the rescue. I lay back on my bed, examining the gold on the outside. I open it carefully, as if not to wake the spirits in my room.

I look at the pictures for what seems like an eternity. I wish for these moments back. I think of how our circumstances have become so unfair ever since that first reaping.
Life's not fair I guess.

I feel as if I have memorized every millimeter of the locket when the clock finally hits 6:00. My eyes feel like they're on fire.

I get up from my bed and change into the gray uniform. I leave my compartment hastily and get to the Dining Hall as fast as I can, as if someone or something is there waiting for me. But there's nobody. I eat my breakfast alone, in silence. The silence doesn't last long. A tray of food smacks down on the table beside me, startling me. I look over to see an emaciated, but still alive, Johanna. She's so skinny, the District 13 uniform doesn't even fit her.

"Hey, Johanna..." I say, awkwardly.
"Hey, Peeta. I Thought you'd be with Katniss, but..." She says.
"No, not for a little while at least. She requested no visitors." I say.
Johanna doesn't say anything for a while.
"And why do you think she did that?" She asks.
"Sometimes I think it's because of me." I say, defeatedly.
She takes a good, hard look at me before speaking again.
"No," She says, "it's not you."
"Why, then?" I ask.

She takes a deep breath.
"Listen, this might offend you, and I don't really care because it's close to the truth. Peeta, as much as you'd like to think that you really feel and understand how she's feeling, you don't. I'm sorry, but you really don't. I think Katniss feels so trapped because she nobody understands what it's like. Not you, not Gale, not Finnick, not Haymitch, and definitely not those doctors. Peeta, even I don't know just how she feels and what it was like. Sure, I was tortured and beaten bloody like her, but her torture was fear conditioning." She explains.

As much as I'm offended and don't want what she's saying to be true, I have to admit that she's right. I don't know what it's like. Nobody here does... just her.

"Now, I'm not saying that she doesn't love you. I know she does, you need to know she does. But she just feels alone and stuck. And it's horrifying for her because she knows it's always going to be that way. And those flashbacks I hear she has... let's just say those cant make it any easier." She finishes.

And she's even more right.

"Yeah... I guess you're right." I say.
She throws her head back laughing.
"Oh, Peeta, of course I'm right!" She says.
I laugh a little with her, and it makes me feel a little better.

I say goodbye and decide it's time to go to the hospital and see Katniss.
--
I reach the hospital around 8:00.

I stop by the triage desk, where Maya still sits. She looks the same as last night, just a little more tired. When she sees me, she smiles.
"Hi, Peeta. She's in her room. Go on back." She says.
"Thanks, Maya." I reply, walking back.

As I walk back, I watch as doctors rush out of a room down the hallway with a gurney. As they near me, I see a pale, brown-haired girl laying, motionless on the gurney. She almost looks like Katniss. As they get even closer, I can see the blood running down her arms and on her head. I start to worry, seeing that the room they came out of was in the area where Katniss's room is.

They're so close to me, I can finally see the girl's face. My worst fears are realized.

It's her. It's Katniss.