Off Ice.

Chapter Five.

I'm the worlds worst girlfriend.

When I was dating Finn, I could of sworn I would of won some kind of reward for being the best girlfriend. Flying to different states and countries for him, talking everything out with him - being able to tell him what was bothering me while he was able to tell me what he was thinking. We had the picture perfect relationship in that respect.

But now here I am, actively lying to Theo while knowing that I shouldn't be. I know I'm not a bad person, but I feel like one right now.

When we got home last night, all Theo talked about was Finn. How amazing of a player he is, how he can't believe I knew him all this time. How he's quieter in person, but he gets that he's probably just shy. If only he knew that Finn will always be the most outgoing and charming person I've ever met.

I sat there and listened, nodded along, did everything but tell him the truth. I had so many opportunities to tell him but I couldn't find the courage. I honestly just wanted to be alone last night but I knew I couldn't. I knew I had to stay with him.

Cam came back to the box looking very passive and I couldn't decipher what that meant. I didn't know if he felt better after reading Finn a new one, or if he was upset about it. I want to know what he said, but I know he probably won't tell me. I haven't even had time to talk to him since then because I've been with Theo.

And if I thought that I was thinking a lot about Finn before, than you'd be thoroughly surprised about how my mind has been the last twenty four hours.

Sure, I thought a lot about him lately but there were moments where I didn't. There were moments in class or at work or with Theo or Cam where I wouldn't think about him, where I would just be living my life. But I haven't been granted those moments since. He's all I'm thinking about.

I know I sound like a broken record but I just don't understand. I don't understand why the universe threw him at me again. It freaks me out that I've been hung up on him this past week and then he literally appeared out of thin air. I've been to so many Kings games over the last couple years, a lot of them in that exact suite, and I've never even thought about maybe running into Finn. Why would I? He's in San Jose, why would he come to watch an LA game?

Because Casey just had to turn 26 the day before.

They announced he was at the game too. During the third period, the announcer came on and told everyone to welcome 'San Jose Sharks forward Finn Wilder' and then showed him sitting in his box. Seeing the him sitting there made me want to jump over the ledge.

He waved but I know Finn well enough to know that he wasn't feel right. Even from the screen I could see that he was pale and I knew that he was shaken up. The crowd went crazy for him too, of course. Because as I've always known, everyone loves Finn Wilder.

Including my fucking boyfriend, apparently.

I could feel Cam keeping a close eye on me the rest of the night. I know that he knew I wasn't okay, but I would like to take my fucking Oscar for the performance I was giving. It sure fooled Theo.

It's the next day now and I'm curled in my bed, clinging onto my pillow as I just stare at the wall in front of me. I'm not crying - I haven't cried once since seeing him. I just feel extremely hollow now. I don't know what to do.

I got home from work an hour ago and just feel dead after being a human punching bag for my boss. She's stressed over not getting a novel published on time and took it out on me, which really is nothing new.

I told Theo I was hanging out with Grace today, which I'm sure I'll do later but I wanted to be alone before that. I know he's at the tattoo shop and I just didn't feel like being guilty pretending around him.