Off Ice.

Chapter Sixteen.

Avery

Finn's really scaring me.

I don't know what's wrong but he's having one of the worst panic attacks I think I've ever seen him have - and he's in denial about it. He just keeps saying he needs to tell me something but he won't actually tell me. I'm not even sure he knows he's mumbling it over and over.

"Finnegan," I say sternly, which makes him stop pacing and turn to me. His eyes soften when he does and I'm not sure I'll ever get used to how that feels. I didn't back when we were together and I can't imagine it being any different now. "Please, just take a deep breath and tell me what's going on."

Could this have to do with his dad? I can't think of anything else that would cause him to be so panicky. He can't stand still and I'm unsure if his lack of shoes is a new development or if he showed up here without them.

"You can't hate me, Aves," he mutters as he shakes his head, running his hands over his face. "I can't handle you hating me."

"I don't hate you?" I assure him, but I'm also questioning him too. Haven't we been over this? How could he still think I hate him?

"You will," he says almost inaudibly and it makes my heart drop. What the fuck did he do?

"Finn.." I start again, trying to keep my voice as calm as I can but my heart is pounding in my chest. "Tell me what's going on."

"Okay, okay," he murmurs to himself before he takes a deep breath and looks up at me, stopping his pacing. My brows raise expectedly, "Well, come on. Out with it."

"Out with it, okay um. Out with it," he repeats to himself before he clears his throat. "Do you remember the night we had our first kiss?"

Oh..kay?

"Yeah.." I answer hesitantly. "It's kind of hard to forget."

Can honestly say that I have no idea where this is going.

"Okay, well," he clears his throat again, honestly looking like a drug addict that's going through a hell of a withdrawal. "When we kissed, I remember thinking that kissing you is what winning the Stanley Cup must feel like. I couldn't even imagine anything that could possibly feel better than you. I still can't and I know that I never will."

Oh.

I know I said I didn't know where this was going, but this definitely wasn't what I had in mind.

"And do you remember the night before the All-Star competition in Toronto?" he continues, not letting me put a thought in. Now that he's started I feel like he's not going to stop. I just nod and he takes that as his next go-ahead.

"That was the night I knew that I was in love with you."

Where is this going?!

"That night," he continues, his voice not shaking as much as it was before. My chest isn't the only thing pounding though, my head is now too. "You were so relaxed. I think it was the first time I saw you just be completely free and I remember just being in such amazement when looking at you - kissing you. That's when I knew that you were the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with."

I'm dizzy. I literally can't see straight right now. I'm not even sure I can have a coherent thought, I can just listen to what he's saying and try not to bolt out of that door.

He lets out a soft huff as he takes a step closer, his eyes pleading with mine as he does. He's begging me not to run, I can see it.

"I-" he stops himself before he groans and mutters fuck it. "I'm in love with you, Avery. I always have been and I will be until the day I die."